I've been thinking about this blog all day, simply because I believe there is a big misconception and misunderstanding about me and the love I feel for someone. Somehow or another, people have translated things I've said or written drastically wrong. So let me get started by saying this, "Loving her has never been the reason I hurt."
If anyone thinks that I hurt because I love her, then they don't know me or my heart at all. I mean that couldn't be more wrong, it's almost insulting. Here is the truth about my love for her, when I love her I'm happy, I was always happy when we texted, I was always happy when we hung out, I was always happy when we talked, anything that had to do with her made me happier than I've ever been. Never once did being with her or talking with her make me sad or hurt. It's easy for me to love her, because I completely love her and who she is. Does she test my patience at times, maybe, but who doesn't. You have to understand I don't fall in love easy, so when I do, it means you've accomplished quite the feat.
Now, what does hurt me or make me sad, is missing her, is missing that happiness she made me feel. That feeling that she doesn't think my love matters, or that my love isn't important to her, the empty feeling as she pushes me away when I love her unconditionally. The feeling that she is punishing me for loving her. That's what hurts. The feeling my love wasn't even worth her giving us a chance. That is what causes the pain.
When I love her, and get to spend time with her, I'm the happiest being in the world, I feel invincible and incredibly lucky and blessed with her. Even now, when she pushes me away, the brief moments I get to see her make me happy. She is the one person in my life that her mere presence makes me happy, she really is special to me. And it will always be easy and natural for me to love her. She has never been a burden to me, she has always been a blessing. She is the glue that kept me from cracking, she's the kick in the ass that kept me motivated, she has always been my everything. Even when I complain at times about her habits, I still find myself loving her for those very same bad habits. I can't help it, I love her. I can't believe anyone would ever think I hurt because I love her, that is simply insane.
Losing her, losing my friend, losing my happiness, that is what hurts. The more you ignore me amd push me away, the more I hurt. If you had just left things alone and even stayed friends, I would have been just fine, but you couldn't do that, you had to push me away and that is how you hurt me. I love you, I trusted you, I believed in you, and I stay loyal to you, yet you pushed me away. The thing is, even though you've hurt me and pushed me away, I still love you.
There is a woman interested in me, and I'm interested in her, but I'm afraid, because I don't know if I can love her right. Because I still love someone else with all I have. I want to give her a real chance, I do, I want to believe it could work, but I also know where my heart lies and deeply grounded it is. And I haven't been able to change my heart for years. I have every intention of dating this woman, and giving it my best effort, but I don't want to hurt her if I realize I can't love her. But reality is, that's where I'm at. When love someone like I love the one I love, its nearly impossible to love anyone else, and at least I can admit that.
I don't know what to do honestly. But I know loving who I love has never made me sad, loving who I love has always been easy and made me happy. But missing said love does hurt, and if you pushed me away because you thought me loving who was hurting me, then you were deadly wrong in every possible way. All you ever had to do was accept me for me, accept my kindness, friendship and love, that's you ever had to do to keep me happy, you just never realized that it was that simple. I'm not a complicated person, I like to keep it simple, that's all you had to do. I wish you would stop mistranslating what I say and write, and simply realize my love for you is real, very real, and always will be. And I know the misunderstanding here isn't meant to hurt me, it's innocent in its way, but don't misunderstand me and then assume your right and that its truth, you don't know my mind or heart, and there are times I wish you could walk a day with my heart.
If anyone thinks that I hurt because I love her, then they don't know me or my heart at all. I mean that couldn't be more wrong, it's almost insulting. Here is the truth about my love for her, when I love her I'm happy, I was always happy when we texted, I was always happy when we hung out, I was always happy when we talked, anything that had to do with her made me happier than I've ever been. Never once did being with her or talking with her make me sad or hurt. It's easy for me to love her, because I completely love her and who she is. Does she test my patience at times, maybe, but who doesn't. You have to understand I don't fall in love easy, so when I do, it means you've accomplished quite the feat.
Now, what does hurt me or make me sad, is missing her, is missing that happiness she made me feel. That feeling that she doesn't think my love matters, or that my love isn't important to her, the empty feeling as she pushes me away when I love her unconditionally. The feeling that she is punishing me for loving her. That's what hurts. The feeling my love wasn't even worth her giving us a chance. That is what causes the pain.
When I love her, and get to spend time with her, I'm the happiest being in the world, I feel invincible and incredibly lucky and blessed with her. Even now, when she pushes me away, the brief moments I get to see her make me happy. She is the one person in my life that her mere presence makes me happy, she really is special to me. And it will always be easy and natural for me to love her. She has never been a burden to me, she has always been a blessing. She is the glue that kept me from cracking, she's the kick in the ass that kept me motivated, she has always been my everything. Even when I complain at times about her habits, I still find myself loving her for those very same bad habits. I can't help it, I love her. I can't believe anyone would ever think I hurt because I love her, that is simply insane.
Losing her, losing my friend, losing my happiness, that is what hurts. The more you ignore me amd push me away, the more I hurt. If you had just left things alone and even stayed friends, I would have been just fine, but you couldn't do that, you had to push me away and that is how you hurt me. I love you, I trusted you, I believed in you, and I stay loyal to you, yet you pushed me away. The thing is, even though you've hurt me and pushed me away, I still love you.
There is a woman interested in me, and I'm interested in her, but I'm afraid, because I don't know if I can love her right. Because I still love someone else with all I have. I want to give her a real chance, I do, I want to believe it could work, but I also know where my heart lies and deeply grounded it is. And I haven't been able to change my heart for years. I have every intention of dating this woman, and giving it my best effort, but I don't want to hurt her if I realize I can't love her. But reality is, that's where I'm at. When love someone like I love the one I love, its nearly impossible to love anyone else, and at least I can admit that.
I don't know what to do honestly. But I know loving who I love has never made me sad, loving who I love has always been easy and made me happy. But missing said love does hurt, and if you pushed me away because you thought me loving who was hurting me, then you were deadly wrong in every possible way. All you ever had to do was accept me for me, accept my kindness, friendship and love, that's you ever had to do to keep me happy, you just never realized that it was that simple. I'm not a complicated person, I like to keep it simple, that's all you had to do. I wish you would stop mistranslating what I say and write, and simply realize my love for you is real, very real, and always will be. And I know the misunderstanding here isn't meant to hurt me, it's innocent in its way, but don't misunderstand me and then assume your right and that its truth, you don't know my mind or heart, and there are times I wish you could walk a day with my heart.
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