Always Good

I've always been very straight forward about myself on here, and tried to stay pretty consistent.  I think I've managed to do that.  There is a saying "Good guys finish last."  Personally I find more and more that saying to be far from true, then again maybe there is some truth to it but not in the way people think.  You see, bad guys might finish first, but often times when they finish it never lasts, they also wind up scampering and trying to find their next victim, and eventually their well runs dry.  Good guys however are patient, they understand if your going to do something, then do it right the first time, and while they might finish last persay, when they finish it lasts a lifetime.

There are so many terms for the bad boy such as thug, hustler, player, and so on.  And it is said that this is what women are drawn too and will often times instinctively chase after, even though deep they know it never lasts or ends well with them, they're drawn to the excitement and the idea they can tame them.  But reality is, they know what they need is the good guy, the one who will put them first, the one who does things the right way, the one who has integrity and honor, the one who leads by example.

No matter what, no matter where I am in life, or whatever happens to me, I will never be the bad boy type.  It isn't in me, and truthfully I don't believe it's the way God intended us to be.  I will always be the good guy, and I don't mind the label of finishing last because I know God will make sure when I finish it will be lifelong.  I'm not a normal guy, I don't chase the bad girls or easy girls or whatever, I am drawn to women who are strong, smart, chase their dreams, hardheaded, kind, God fearing, driven and more.  I don't give myself to just anyone, I'm very guarded in that area.  I would rather be alone, then be with a woman just for looks or sex, because to me meaningless love is a waste of time.  I mean what you get night of happiness, and afterwards nothing.  What is the point?  You can keep your one night stands, I have no interest.

When I love, I love for the long haul.  And truthfully, there is only one woman I love like that, and she knows who she is, and because of that I really have no interest elsewhere.  My heart is her's, and I'm more than ok with that, because I see who she is, and believe me she is so much more than just a sexy woman, there is so much more to her.  I see it in her eyes, in her smile, in her facial expressions, I hear it in her voice, I see the wheels turning, and it is a beautiful thing.  Let the bad boys, or whatever they want to be called, have their fun and day, in the end I know as good guy I will stand tall, and I know God has a plan for me, I believe it, and nobody can take that from me unless God allows it.  I love her, I believe in her, and I will never give up on her, that I can without a doubt guarantee on my life.

So Things About Me

When it comes to the woman I love, you have to understand a few things about me.  Mainly how I love her, and where my heart is with her.  There is a reason behind everything I do, a reason I take the stance I do, I don't do anything at random if I can help it. 

One thing about me is freedom is very important to me, not just my freedom or her freedom, but freedom for everyone no matter who they are.  I'm a big supporter of free will, freedom to live life as we choose, freedom to make our own choices and mistakes.  Right or wrong, I truly push for real freedom and equality for all, this is a big deal to me, an it always will be, and it shows in how I try to treat others as equals on every level no matter who they are.  So as a result, I never want to hold her down or back, I want her to feel free and feel she can chase her dreams freely.  And that is one goal of mine, to love her in a way where she doesn't feel restricted.

I support her in every way, and yes my desire is to spend my life with her, and I confess I want to be with her all the time, but all that said I know she needs her personal space at times.  And I've made an extra effort to give her that, I text a whole lot less, I ask more generic things, I let her volunteer things when she wants, I try not to ask questions about her to others, I feel she wants it this way right now, and if I must prove to her I can love her completely and still give her that privacy and space, then so be it.  Believe me, I want to go eat with her, call and talk to her, and more, but I feel now is not the time for me to ask, I feel when she is ready for this she will ask me, and of course I'll say yes.

When we first got close, one thing she said is all we did was text, and there was truth to that, but it wasn't lack of me trying, there were times I did call her and left a message just to talk, and she never called back, many of those text were trying to find something to do, but she never took the chance.  I feel back then I was making the effort, but the effort wasn't being returned.  Not saying I'm a 100% right to feel this way, and it is in the past of course, but this is simply from my point of view of that time.  If she wanted more than text from me, at that time she could of had it very easily with just a little effort from her side.

Truth is, I don't ask much from the one I love, I really don't.  To me, with her all I ask is for a commitment to each other and simply be there for each other, and that is really it.  Sounds simple, and maybe it is, but in love to me it is the little things that mean everything.  Look, right now isn't the best time for me I confess, but in time I will be back on top in life, and at that time I will have plenty to offer I know, but understand I'm the type who remembers how one treated me when I had nothing, and those are the one's I am there for when I have everything.  I don't love someone out of convenience, I don't use people at all, I love someone because i truly love then, because I love them whether they are in a good place in life or a bad place, my love is truly unconditional.  That I believe in God's ability to provide for us, so I believe great things are allows ahead.

The last thing I want to do to her is smother her, and sometimes I get the impression she feels that way, but just because someone loves you enough to tell you every chance they get, or loves you enough to want to spend there life to you, doesn't mean they are smothering you, it simply means they love you completely, there is a vast difference.  Sometimes, you have to get past your personal fears, and explore love and many times you will find that love you ran from is the love you were always looking for.  Doubt is most often than not just fear holding you back, and doubt rarely proves accurate, sometimes the best choice is the choice we doubt the most, sometimes the best choice is the biggest risk.

I can love her the exact way she desires, I am willing to give her all that she needs, and if it is in my power I am willing to help her achieve her dreams.  I really am the one, there is no doubt in my mind.  She already gives me everything I deserve and more in love by being who she is, I couldn't ask for more, I hope she realizes this.  I love her.

All

Why do I love her so much?  Well, let me just say when I see her and talk to her, I think this is a woman I can get behind, that I can willingly support and help in anyway possible, someone I know I can always trust in and believe in, someone I'm not afraid to bet all I have on, someone I'm honored to go to war beside, some one I would gladly risk my life for, someone I would be willing to live forever for, a woman I would gladly place before myself in every way.  I love her, completely and truly.

There are no conditions, I love her when we're poor and when we're rich, when we fail and when we succeed, when times are good and times are bad, I love her on her good days and bad days.  Bottom line is no matter what is going on in either of our lives, I love her unconditionally.  And even when either or both of us are down or struggling, I believe in us to rise above it all.

Life and love are far from perfect, there will be perfect moments, there will be moments of fear, we will be in perfect harmony, we will butt heads at times, but in the end, no matter what, I will be there holding her hand and placing her on my shoulders to carry her through any and all storms we must pass through.  I will be her shield, I will be her sword, I will be her raft in the ocean, I will be whatever she needs me to be. 

My blood is her blood as well, my sweat is her sweat as well, my tears are her tears as well, my breath is her breath as well, my money and success is her's as well.  This is where I stand, this is how I feel, nobody can remove this love for her from me, because it is too real.  I've been through extreme pain, I have remained humble, my pride is long gone, through pain I have learned how much I love her, and how I need her.  Sometimes moving forward isn't about letting go, sometimes you need someone to be that piece, to be your partner, to be able to move on to the greatness you both are destined for.  Don't be to quick to let everything go, because there are times God places people in our lives with the intention of us to never let them go, sometimes He wants to know how bad we want the or need them, and how much we our willing to go through to keep holding on.  Sometimes it's a test of our love and our heart, I am determined to show I will not give up on her, as she is all I ever need and want, and all I love for in life.

Time Passes

So there are times certain thoughts and feelings come through you, sometimes they leave immediately and we brush them off, but then there are times they linger and really make you think there is something more to them.  This is going to sound like I'm down on myself, but really it isn't that at all, it's just me looking at where I'm at and seeing what I see.  As the years pass by and I grow older and things haven't changed in the ways I wish them too, I realize I will probably never be married, probably never experience a family of my own, and probably never have kids of my own.  And this breaks my heart to the core, because those who know me know that these dreams are the most important dreams in my life.

I only want these dreams with one person I confess, she is my everything, and I love her with all I am and all my life.  And I believe we can and will be one day, but time is definitely ticking away, and while we might be one day, and she will be more than enough to bring me happiness, I realize if too much time passes the rest of dream grows less and less likely.  I am the very definition of a giving heart, I will always place myself second, and I'm ok with that.  I refuse to walk over people, I just believe we all matter in life and that none of us should ever treat anyone as less than ourselves.

I'm a very shy and guarded person, I don't let many people in my heart or world, they few I let in I would do anything with them or for them, but only for them and not in front of anyone else I haven't let into my heart.  And the truth is, I often times don't know when I'm letting someone in because it kind of just happens.

There is absolutely nothing fake about me, I am who I am.  And I will always stand by who I am, and those I love, I will always tell you where we stand, though I admit I choose my moments carefully.  And there are times I realize silence is better than hurting someone.  If you want all of me, if you want to break my shell, then you have to claim me and make that effort.  I'm not the guy you will grab your ass or make crude comments, unless you've committed yourself to me already and claimed me, rather I'm the guy who will respect you, help you, compliment you, and always stand by you, and never forget you, I will text you good morning and good night without fail, I will try and motivate you at all costs, but to get more out of me, to get me physical, to get the fun side out of me, I need more from you, I need to know you want it, I need to know you want me and are ready to claim me.  If you don't do your part, believe me I will not take that step, it isn't who I am.

I'm a true gentleman first, and a lover second.  Unlike most men, sex is not the first thing on my mind, I'm searching for something much more real and long lasting.  I want happiness, success, a woman I can laugh and cry with, someone who I am enough for and she is enough for me, someone who smiles, someone who loves to play around, someone who wants to spend time with me as I do with her, and if all those line up right, then comes the sex part.  I'm not easy to get into bed, I'm just not, I have a lot more self respect to be like that.  If someone gets me to that point, I want them to know they did something special.  I feel the more you give yourself away, then the more you devalue yourself, you become that cheap steak that anyone can afford, I prefer to be the expensive steak that only those who earn it can obtain.

I'm a tricky person, there is no one key to my heart, and often times it just happens.  The woman I love more than anything, got into my heart in a way I never saw coming.  She broke so many of my rules it's crazy.  Before her, I wouldn't date a woman with kids, I wouldn't date outside my race, I wouldn't sate anyone more than 5 years younger or older than me, I wouldn't date anyone taller than me, I wouldn't date anyone I work with, yet despite all this, she became the one and only love in  my life.  And to this day, she is now perfection to me, God changed my heart for her, and to me that tells me how real this love is, it tells me God approves.  That is the part few realize, what it took for her to get into my heart, she worked hard for this, and she did show masterfully.  I would not be who I am today without her, she changed me more than she ever realizes, and that is amazing.  I will never give up on being her until I die, even if it means my dreams never come true, I will wait for her forever.  Nobody can ever change my heart or mind.  At least I admit this.  I'm not sure any other man she ever meets will ever admit all this to her, or let her change him as I have let her change me.  I'm all in on her, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  What she has in me is something very few people ever have in life.

What Can I Say

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need, and I
Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow, and I
I just wanna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh, Baby all I want for Christmas is you

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me quickly

I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside my door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you, baby

100% Real

This is going to be one of those random silly rants here about my own personal opinion I confess, and really about something that isn't a huge deal really, but it frustrates me a bit I suppose.  I love one woman and one alone, I've been pretty consistent about that I think.  And I recently heard her make a comment that she feels fat.  Now before I say anymore I want to stress she is entitled to her own personal opinion, and her opinion is her's to have, and really opinions aren't necessarily right or wrong, they are simply one's point of view.

Anyhow, I just want her to know and really grasp the fact she is nowhere near fat, seriously not even close.  I can show you pictures of a fat person to compare to, and believe me she is not fat.  Truthfully, to me her body is pretty close to perfect honestly.  She is thick, but to me thick, and most men if they're honest, is sexy, and with her I would have to say all her curves are in the right places and she definitely wears her curves extremely well.  And I also would like to go on record saying if anyone, and I mean anyone says she is fat, they need to slapped upside the head and sent to the eye doctor and get an IQ test, ok maybe that is a bit extreme I know, but seriously she is nowhere near fat, never has been.

In reality, we all want to improve our bodies, some toning here and some toning there, but that's the human side of us that is always chasing perfection, or what we see in our minds as perfection, and no matter what we will never achieve it as even when we reach our initial goals we'll find new imperfection to fix, and there is nothing wrong with that as it keeps us on our toes.  I guess what I want to get across her is I want her to know and hear it from a guy that she is beyond sexy and beautiful.  I could go on and on about her, and truthfully there are three physical features about her that break me down every time her, and her body is number one, followed by her eyes and then her killer smile, add her sense of humor, kind heart and overall personality and she kills me every time, seriously my heart doesn't stand a chance from not melting.  I compliment her all the time, and sometimes I feel she grows immune to it, like she thinks I'm just being nice, but I'm blunt, very blunt, trust me I wouldn't compliment her if I didn't 100% mean it, and I would definitely be the first to tell her if something was wrong.  So in all seriousness, to me she is the most beautiful, sexiest, complete woman I have ever known or met, and I truly mean that, and it's part of the reason I see her as a queen, but even with all her physical beauty, she is a million more times beautiful in her heart and mind, she really is.  I just want her to know that, and I mean really know that, there will always be haters who try to bring her down, but I'm telling the world now, don't believe the haters for one second, she is as close to perfection as humanly possible.  She will always be the only woman I truly completely love in this way, to me she is my entire purpose in life and world.

Always and Forever

I love her, and she deserves the best, she deserves more in life, she deserves all her dreams and success.  And somehow, someway I will deliver everything in life she could possibly dream of, that is what I've been working towards and what I've been working for.  She is a queen in every way, she is perfect, she is a blessing, she is amazing, and she deserves to be treated like she is the only woman alive.  I want to show her this side of me, I want to give her all I have and more, I want her to think I belong to her, but as things are right now I must hold back until she comes for me. 

Believe me, if things were different I would be all her's and not hold back.  And I would risk all I have just to be with her and she her smile.  I love her.  She is all that matters to me, she is my reason for living and breathing, she truly is my very world literally.  Every night and day she is who I dream of, every thought I make is of her, and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I'm the man who is willing to deliver on everything she needs and wants in life, and I know it, all she has to do is claim me as her's and let go of anything holding us back.

I will find a way, as I always do.  I believe so much in her and I don't worry about it.  All I want for Christmas, birthday, in life is her.   I'm not worried about money, or material things, because I truly know and believe she is all I need and her love is all I need to live happily.  I dream of days and nights we can lie there and just talk and have fun and be together happily, let the walls down, let each other in, I want to talk about our futures, dreams and goals.  I love her humor, her sarcasm, her heart, her strength, I love it all, and watch it all and never have I ever been disappointed in her.  I will always give myself to her completely, no matter the cost, I love her that much and that true.  I will never abandon her, I will never let her forget how great she is, my heart will always be her's and that brings me peace.  I will always allow things to play out because I know my love is real and will never die, and I know I can stand behind everything I say and write for real.  I love her completely and unconditionally, there is nothing I wouldn't give or do for her out of love.  My life is her's forever.

Don't Wanna Miss Anything

Here's the thing about the woman I love.  As much as I know she doesn't understand this or maybe she chooses not to believe it, she is the greatest thing or person to ever come into my life.  I can honestly say I can't and don't want to imagine my life without her, I can't remember life without her.  She is the best part of me, she brings out all the good in me.  I don't want to find another her, I don't want to love someone else, she is all I want and all I need.  It's really hard to put into words, but I love her that much, so much I can't love anyone else like I do her.

Am I less of a man for admitting this, personally I don't think so.  You see, we always wait for the perfect moment, we wait because we feel that option will always be there.  But I don't want to wait too long for her, I don't want to risk losing her and missing our chance because we were waiting for the perfect moment.  She is my greatest joy, my greatest battle, my greatest love.

Things will never be perfect, I know this, but life will always been amazing with her by my side, I know this.  How can I be so confident you ask.  Because I know I love her, and I know how amazing she is.  She is so beautiful, she always is, and that is just the truth of it.  I'm so scared of losing her I confess, she truly is everything to me.  I play cool, and act like I'm fine on my own, but reality is I need her, and I always have.   And if she needs me too, I'm ok with that, I'll take that on my shoulders, in fact I'd be honored and blessed to be that for her.  I just want her to know that even if she doesn't understand why I love her so much and why I see her as perfection, that doesn't mean it isn't true, in my eyes she is very definition of perfection, and every second I am blessed to be with her is pure bliss, I just always want her as close as possible I confess.  She is my one, she is what love is to me.  I don't want to miss out with her by chasing other people or other things, she is all I want to be with and to love, now and forever.

Perfection To Me

The woman I love will be the first to admit she isn't perfect, she'll be the first to admit she will make mistakes, she'll be the first to admit she has her flaws, but she'll also be the first to admit she does the best she possibly can at all times, and truthfully her best is pretty damn impressive.  I'm not saying she is wrong by any means, I mean this is really true about us all.  But to me, in my eyes, she is perfect, she doesn't make mistakes, her flaws are minimal and all but invisible to me, you see everything in life is in the eye of the beholder.  And I love her so much that everything thing about her and everything she is, it all makes her who she is and who I love, so all this makes her perfect to me.

She makes a bad choice, but she perfectly tries to make it better immediately.  She fails, but she perfectly stands back and doesn't give up.  She is everything I love, everything I need in the woman I love, everything I want as well.  From her smile to her heart, her figure to her mind, her eyes to her soul, she is completely beautiful from the inside out.  She makes me feel a million times better about myself by simply being with her.

I miss our talks, I want to talk about everything with her, our dreams, our pasts, our presents, our futures, our fears, our joys, our plans, and anything else.  I want to make this very clear, she is the only person in the universe that I'm willing to bet my entire future on, seriously the only person.  I would actually sell my life to her if I could, I'm that in love with her and I believe that much in her and her success.  I will fly with her, but if it doesn't work out I will gladly sink with her, no matter what happens with us I will never abandon her.

I know this sounds crazy, but there are times I actually wish she'd just kidnap me and we could run off and start life anew, and even though I know this'll never happen because we both have things we can't run from right now, it just shows me that I have no fear with her, that I truly believe no matter where we go we can be successful and happy.  Truthfully I just want her to take me and make me her's, I can be stubborn and I can sometimes be stuck in my ways, but deep down I honestly want her to break me and claim me and make me be her's.  It's weird I know, but as strong as I am, I know when I love someone as I love her I want them to be able to grab control me.

The thing is, I won't just follow anyone, in fact she might be the only person I love enough to completely follow.  To me, we're a great team, and we actually have more simlar goals than she realizes.  It isn't about power with me or material things, to me it's about us, our love, our happiness, our future, and our family we can have.  It's the little things.  Everything I deserve, everything I need, is in her and is who she is, she just hasn't realized that yet.  I'll never make it easy for her, if she is going to claim me, she has to trust herself enough and just do it, believe me, I won't resist.

So Ready

It's hard to explain really, but the best way I can say it I guess is when I'm with her everything in the world seems right.  When I'm with her everything seems easy and reachable.  She gives me peace, hope, understanding and a feeling of a place in this world.  I love her, I'm ready for anything with her, I don't know what we'll face in life, but I know with her we'll find a way through it.

I just want want to wrap my arms around and lock in, close our eyes and conquer the world together.  It's the little things in life that mean the most to me, the way she makes me feel, the way she smiles, the way she gives, the way it feels when we touch, the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, the time she makes for me, the simple hello and check in, every little thin she does melts my heart.

I just love her so much, so completely.  I'm just ready to explore this love with her, I'm ready to jump all in at once, truth is we've been taken it slow, really slow, but I think it's time to burst through our comfort zones, go that extra mile.  I believe we're ready, I believe we both need each other for this, I give myself to her willingly and happily.  All I can say really to her is "Let's do this, and let's do these without looking back."

Feeling Moved

I make it a habit when God moves me to do something or feel something to never say no, because when you say no or push it away you are missing God's blessing, and you are missing real happiness.  I say this because God has moved me to love her, He has moved me to help her, He has moved me to be there for her, He has moved me to support her.  God makes loving her very easy and natural for me.  So when He makes me feel this way, and moves my heart so, I refuse to say no to loving her.  I believe God has big wonderful plans for us both together, so I wait patiently, and I wait for her to stop saying never, and to start accepting our blessings.  I truly believe in us 100% and have zero doubt we are meant to be.  This is simply me being completely blunt and honest about us.

Embrace It

Most men run when they feel themselves loving a woman more than themselves, most men run from committing themselves to one woman for life, most men run from the thought of completely giving themselves to a woman.  The thing is, most mean feel when these things happen that they are less of a man and in many ways weak.  However, reality is the opposite, a weak man runs from love, a weak man only loves himself above all others, while a strong man stays the course, a strong man loves one woman more than himself and knows his heart is big enough to survive it.  Sacrifice is not allows about money, and really money is a small petty sacrifice in reality.  Real sacrifice is spiritual, physical, mental and time.  Blood, sweat, tears, joy, now those are some real sacrifices.

I've always been a man who embraces his love, and I love her, and I don't run from that.  I embrace my love for her, I embrace her needs and wants, I embrace her dreams, I embrace her troubles, I embrace he success, I embrace her attitude, I embrace her tears and smiles, I embrace her family, I embrace her friends, I embrace her work, I embrace her ideals, and really I embrace all of her without a second thought.  I am willing to bare her cross and burdens for life, I am willing to lift her up even higher than myself, I am willing to hold her close when we are in the fires of life, I'm willing to not only be her shield, but to also be her sword, I'm willing to listen to her vents and be the healing she needs.

She fights my love, she swears we can't be, but I know she sees it in me, she sees how true and strong my love for her is, and deep down she admires it, and deep down she realizes nobody else can love her like I do, and be as committed to her as I am.  One day I believe she realize we are meant to be, and whatever holds her back now will soon disappear, I might be a good guy, but I refuse to finish last when it comes to her.  In the end I have to believe God will reward a good heart and good love.

What is my dream, my dream is complicated yet so simple.  My dream is spending my life with her in love, have a family of our own, and not be rich, but rather be successful enough to live worry free and be able to provide for those we love, and to serve God through our actions together, and ultimately to bring her happiness, success, and fulfill her dreams as well.  That truly is all there is to my dream, she is my dream, no matter what the results are between us.  We will have bad days, weeks, months, maybe even years, but we will  have more good times than bad I know.  But no matter the good or the bad, no matter the circumstances we encounter, I will always stay with her and love her and treat her as the queen I see her as.  It has never been a burden to love her or do for her, I've never complained about loving her, because to me she is a blessing and an angel in disguise.

What I want for Christmas or my birthday or whatever is simple, yet only one person can truly make it happen.  All I want and need is her, it truly is.  If I spent an entire day with her it would be the greatest gift in world.  I don't place rules on her or restrictions, because it is who she is that I love.  Think about that, think about the self sacrifice there, the length I'm going to love her, and to me there is no doubt she is worth it.  I'm willing and really wanting to lose myself forever in her, I'm ok with that, I actually look forward to that.  Say what you will about me, but there is no denying how true and real my love is for her, and even she must confess she has never seen this love in anyone else before, and I confess she never will, because my love is complete love and complete trust and complete commitment forever and beyond.  I promise to be the last risk in love you ever take, because I promise my love will last forever and beyond.  Happiness is in the eye of the beholder, and in my eyes she is happiness, even when she is mad at me and the fire is in her eyes, I love her and am happy with her.  Nobody can ever understand that until they feel it themselves.  Test me, and I promise I will never fail in loving her completely.

The One

What you got to realize about me is I'm the guy who isn't afraid to love her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid to put all my hope in her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid to commit myself to her and only her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid of always supporting her and her dreams and her family, I'm the guy who isn't afraid to lay all I got on the line for her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid of shouldering all her worries and problems for her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid to be there for her and provide for her, I'm the guy who isn't afraid to admit she is my life.  I see her, and I don't see a challenge, I always see her as the greatest blessing in my life.

I talk big about my love for her, but the thing is I usually undersell it still.  My love for her has no bounds, my belief in her has no limits, words can never explain how I love her completely.  I will stop at nothing to make sure her dreams come true, to make sure she is loved, to make sure she is safe, to make sure she is happy.  I understand to make her dreams come true she has to devote her time to them, and I support that with her, I love her for that and am more then willing to not only give her that time, but stand with her in her fight for success.

Sometimes I baffle her how I can love her so much and so blindly, she doesn't understand it, but she doesn't have to understand it, but rather just believe in it as I believe in her.  My life is better with her in it, and I like to think I make her life better too.  I can't tell you where we are going or what will happen if we get together in love, but I can promise you I will do everything in my power to make our love and lives together pure bliss and successful.  I'm telling you point blank, whether you want to admit it or not, I am the guy, I am the one, and I am happy to be the one.

Trust

Even in silence, I believe in her, and love her forever.  I trust her enough to know sometimes things happen where people can't respond.  So I trust her.  I will never stop loving her and I know one day soon things will be back to normal.  Of course I miss her, but what do you expect when you love someone as I do her.  God has this I know, I trust His plan, I trust in this love He placed in me.

Curious To Say The Least

So there is this psychological test that is supposedly proven to make two people fall completely in love once completing.  The catch is you have to be completely honest with each other and answer 36 questions, and then finish by staring in each others eyes for 4 minutes without speaking.  Personally I'm not sure any test can make someone fall in love, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.  I would be willing to take this test with the woman I love, let my walls down and let our hearts out to each other.  Even if it we didn't fall in love, I feel it would make us both more comfortable with each other, and if we did fall in love then it would be amazing.  The test would probably take an hour or two, and we'd have to agree no interruptions, so no phones or anything like that, but no matter how things turn out I only see this as being really good for us, but we would have to drop all our walls and let the honest truth flow.

I have the link here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2909261/The-36-questions-guaranteed-make-fall-love-Two-couples-soulmates-taking-psychologists-quiz.html

You have to copy and paste it of course, but I really want to try this with her if she is willing.  Not sure how to ask her, maybe she'll find out and ask me, you never know.  But yeah, it really got me thinking, I actually saw this test on tv at first, but sometimes I just curious I suppose.  Never hurts to take a risk and try.

Deep

I'm going to let you in on a secret, when a man is truly and completely in love with a woman, he has no problem admitting she is his everything and that in so many ways she could have her way with him and he would allow it without a second thought.  The thing that confuses a lot of people is when men act like they don't care or need her, here is the truth to that, that is because they aren't completely in love with her or committed to her.

I'm going to be completely blunt and honest, the woman I love is everything to me, she can have her way with me on anything or at anytime, I would move heaven and earth for her, and everything I do revolves around her.  The thing is, I'm committed to her and only her.  I'm not afraid to confess I want and need to spend my life with her.  I never grow tired of her, I never dread seeing her, she is my highlight, she is my sunshine, she is my hope, she is my dreams.

I actually had a very vivid dream about her last night I confess, and we became one in a rather bizarre way, but I won't go into details except to say she took control and made us one, and the thing is I kind of liked that.  I'm no pushover, and honestly I'm extremely hard to tame, I tend to lead a lot and want to be in charge on the outside, I like to make the decisions it seems, but deep down I want to follow the one I love, I want to serve the one I love.  It's said Virgos can be dominant and brilliant leaders and very fair, but it is also known that nobody is more loyal or willing to serve than a Virgo.  We might be blunt, we might have opinions, but in the end are loyal and desire to serve who we love.  And it's bizarre to other people to understand how I can find happiness in serving the woman I love, but that is true happiness to me.  Being with her is true happiness, even on our bad days being with her is true happiness.  I love putting up with her attitude both good and bad, I love listening to her stubbornness because I see the strong side to her and sometimes she might be right. I love her daughter beyond words, I love her mother as my best friend, I even love the rest of her family truthfully.  I love everything about her, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.  Truth is, I love her just the way she is, and I feel she is perfect in my eyes.

I never handle compliments well, I'm humble, so I blush and am not sure how to act.  I enjoy compliments, I just have that Virgo side of me and I'm hard on myself already, so I know my flaws, so sometimes the compliments don't always hit as great as they should.  I thrive on proving my value and worth, I thrive on proving people wrong who doubt me.  I'm strong beyond words, and I always find a way.  I will never give up on her no matter the circumstances, and one day I hope to break through her defenses and earn my way to her heart for a chance at true love.  I have never wanted someone to succeed in life more than I want her to.  When I hear the word love at any time, I immediately picture her.  I know she doubts at times we'll work, she might doubt she can't love me how she feels I deserve to be loved, but reality is we deserve what we get, and in my eyes I don't feel worthy of her love at times, but not because I'm bad or worthless, but because I value her love that much.  Truth is, the love she has from me has no match, because I completely her's, I would give my body to sustain her, my soul to fulfill her, my mind to ease her, my heart to support her, everything thing I have in this life and the next in my eyes is her's, and that is simply how much I love her, and how strongly I feel about my love for her.  There is no mountain high enough, or valley deep enough to ever deter my love and loyalty and trust in her.  Forget the world and anyone else, and know I love you and you are all I ever need in life for everything.

Thankful

When you meet someone in life who stays by who through thick and thin.  Someone who still loves you even when you know you don't deserve it at the moment.  Someone who is always there for you even when you screw up.  Someone who is quick to offer a helping hand whenever you feel lost.  When you meet someone who truly is a great person and very special, and they still find a way to love you and make time to help you smile and succeed in life.  This is the person that the woman I love is, she truly is amazing.  We have been happy at times, we've fought at times, we've disagreed at times, we've supported each other at times, we've forgiven each other at times, but through it all we've never stopped loving each other at any time.  I love her so much for this, and I try hard to show her the same love as she has shown me.  I try to do all these things for her and let her know I notice her kindness and love, and I appreciate it eternally and never take her for granted.

You see I'm blessed double really, the woman I love has always been there for me, and my so has my best friend as well.  I have two people in my life who happen to be close themselves, who also mean the world to me because I know they always have my back, even when I may not deserve it.  I notice everything, even if I don't acknowledge it.  I love her, she is everything to me, and that is ok with me.  A life with her is truly the only thing in life I truly want and need.  When you love someone as I love her, then nothing else in life really comes close to her.  The day we finally give our love a chance will truly be the happiest day of my life, trust me.

Strong

I love her, I've always admitted this.  I just want her to realize she is a very special woman.  She is extremely brave and undeniably strong.  She has a strong since of justice and is very ambitious.  She dreams big, but she tries hard to make them real, and often succeeds.  I truly see her as queen and she deserves only best treatment in life.  I personally believe in her and always will, and nobody can ever change my mind or heart.  I am fully committed to her, and will always be loyal to her without a second thought.  You have to realize when you love someone as great as her just a special she is, and you have to treat her in a special way.  She is the type woman you need to let her reach for the stars and grab her dreams, let her dream big and live big, and just stand with her and support her.  She is the definition of true beauty inside and out.

All That Matters

I've always been a person you makes my own decisions about people based on my own experiences with them.  I don't care if anyone agrees or disagree with how I feel about someone.  If you love someone, then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.  What matters is how you feel and they feel.  Once you start letting others sway your feelings for them, then that is when the relationship starts to falter.

I love her, I do, I have never denied that.  I respect her, and every choice she makes, I have always confessed and honored that.  I trust her, and I have been very open about this.  I am loyal to her, I have proven this time after time.  So let it be known, when it comes to me and her, and our relationship as friends or any other level, it only matters to me what the two of us think and feel.  Others are allowed to have their opinions, that is only fair, but understand she and I respect and love one another way too much to not trust each other enough with what we have.  We cannot and will not be divided unless we both make that choice, we both refuse to submit to anyone other than our own hearts and minds.

We might just be friends, but understand our bond is stronger than most people can fathom.  She knows I have her back at all times, she knows I will always be the first to offer to help her, she knows the lengths I will go to make sure she is successful and happy.  And I know she will do the same for me.  You see, real love and friendship isn't about what you can gain from one another, it is about what you can give to one another.  A true bond can never be destroyed when the bond is pure and real.  It is hard for many to grasp this concept, but believe or not friends can reach this level, most never experience it, because most never allow themselves to have the chance.

She is my dream, but more importantly she is one of the most important people in my life, and I have no shame in confessing that.  We do so much better when we handle our affairs alone between just the two of us.  The irony is, I got mad, but not at her, it had to do with her, but it wasn't her doing it was someone else's.  Truth is, she has handled herself perfectly, she has learned who I am and she understands the type of friend I am and person I am, she realizes my heart is pure and true.  And she, like myself, have learned it doesn't matter if the world understands our bond, because we know it is real and strong.

I am not ashamed to confess she makes me better, and I am not afraid to confess my goal is to give her reasons to smile everyday.  I never doubted her or lost faith in her, I never changed who I am, and low and behold she has stood by me, and she never changed who she is, and low and behold I have stood by her.  When a bond is this strong and true, the world cannot harm us because God will protect us.  I love her, but I hold back because I respect her, yes my dream is to be with her, but until that time comes, if it ever does, I will be the best friend to her that is possible.  I understand that, she understands that, and that is all that matters.  I am proud to be who God made me to be, no lies will ever sway me, you can believe any lies you choose, I will always stand with the real truth.

Just Stop

I am normally a calm person, I have a long fuse, but when I go off, believe me I will explode in ways that many never see coming.  So here is what pisses me off and makes me feel disrespected and offended on an epic level.

I have been very honest and open about my love for her, yet I have been very respectful in holding my love in when in her presence and being the best friend I can be.  However, I do have to find a way to vent or I'll implode, so I find a way through here so I don't force anything on anyone.  But still, even though I never once overstep and I do my very best to respect her relationship and be just a friend.  Everyone, but me, automatically jump to every little thing I do must be an attempt to make love happen.  It gets very old and irritating.  If I breathe wrong, I'm flirting.  If I compliment her, I'm flirting.  If I offer to help my friend, I'm flirting.  If I attempt to talk to her and just see how she is doing, I'm must be flirting.  NEWSFLASH!!!!  I'm not flirting!!!!  I've always said and been very clear, you will know when I'm flirting!!!!  So yes, it pisses me off when I make no mention about my love to anyone in person at all for her, and people still jump to conclusions and feel the need to say move on or ignore me.  Guess what!!!  If you wouldn't constantly punish me for being a friend even though you have it in your mind I'm doing more, I would be fine, we would be fine.  Don't you get it, you're creating the very problem you've been trying to prevent.

If I don't bring it up, then why the hell would you?  Think about it.  We were just now really talking again, we were doing great at being friends again, we were growing and it was amazing, I was happy again.  But you just had to start this shit again and start being paranoid and thinking I was trying to do more.  When will you learn?  I contained my love, I respect you, time after time I've proven my friendship to you, and yet you take any crumb you can get to attack me for loving you.

If you're going to be brutally honest, then start with yourself and why you keep doubting me and accusing me every chance you get.  Think about it, since we started talking again, what have I done for you.  I supported your business, I've offered to help you succeed anyway I can, I've given you positive support, and I've checked in to see how you were doing, and at times I've wanted to see you just to talk.  All those things are things any good friend would do, none of those qualify as me trying to be more, none of them.  Yet that seems to be where your minds go.  I cannot control your paranoia on that, that is something you have to learn to control yourself.  Whether its yourself thinking that, or someone else putting the idea in your head, you have to stop that.  You always talk about others being comfortable or fairness, yet you never care if its fair to me or makes me uncomfortable, why is that?

Explain to me again why I have to give up a friendship I cherish because the one I love isn't with me.  Friendship and love relationships are two different things.  But apparently you can't seem to grasp that.  This is why I get so upset when I see stuff like that, when I see people trying to pull us apart, or when out of blue you start ignoring me for no real reason.  I have been beyond loyal to you, I have stood by you through anything, I have loved you through everything, I have never doubted you, I have never looked at you in a negative light.  Yet I feel constantly judged and doubted even though I have always gone out of my way to be just a friend and hold my love back.  Maybe it isn't me that has the problem, maybe you are just determined to prove that I'm doing more even though you have never been able to prove anything but your own theories in your mind, that isn't a fact, theories in your mind are just guesses.

Have I ever made a move on you, have I ever tried to steal you, have I ever tried anything like that to make you mine. The answer is no.  Everything I've done has been as a friend, my best friend I confess, but nothing more.  I just wish for all our sakes you would start understanding that.  You keep putting me in situation where nothing I do will be right, because you've already decided in your head I am doing more.  We all are human, even you, and none of us knows what is best for each other, only God knows that, so stop pushing people towards what you think is best, when in reality you have no idea.  Just let me be the friend I am, let me be me, I love you, I've always admitted, and in the rare times we have discussed it I have never hidden that, so why would I start now....  be a friend back, thats all I've asked, friends don't ignore each other, friends don't hide from each other, friends don't doubt each other, friends don't make assumptions of each other.  Friends love each other, and want to see each other, and friends are there for each other. It really has always been that simple.  Heaven is God's temple, the world is the devil's playground... you have to learn the difference, what is God's word, and what is the world's sayings.  Not all quotes and sayings are Godly or even true.

The irony her is what set me off wasn't the woman I love, she actually has been treating me better lately and I'm happy for that and thankful.  It was something else, something that was beyond hurtful and not needed.  To everyone out there, I love her, she knows that, but together we are making progress at being friends and getting through it.  So let us do this on our own, we're both grown and we both actually do care for one another, we both know each other, and we don't need outside people swaying us in any way.  Just let us be friends and let us be happy, we got this.  I trust her, I always have.

You Don't Know Anything

Why is it everyone wants to pretend they know what will make you happy or what is best for you when they don't even understand who you are and what you feel.  It baffles me how people will say move on, when they have no idea what you feel.  I've never seen a world so quick to give up and move on to something different without even considering they might not ever find anything better than what they left behind.  In life, anything truly worth it is worth fighting for until you can no longer fight, people tell you to give up not because it is best for you but because it is easier for them.  The same people you say do for yourself first will be the first to tell you to move on so they have it easier.  Walking away and giving up or moving on are not solutions, they are cop outs.

So I will say this, and I have never been more serious, this is not a joke.  I love her, this is my final chapter no matter what, I love her that much, and I don't ask you to understand that, I just ask you to realize that is how deeply I love her.  I will die before I move on, no joke.  Telling me to let go is the biggest insult to me you can give, because it means you have no respect for who I am or for my own happiness.  How would you feel if I told you to move on from what means the most to you in life, even though you knew in your heart that moving on was the worst thing you can do.  Stop trying to pull us apart, that is the worst thing you can do if you truly care about me.  I am who I am, I am the friend who tries too hard, but understand I try too hard in everything I do in life because I don't believe you should do anything half way, I believe in  giving your best in everything you do.  I try too hard at work, I try too hard at life, I try too hard at love, I try too hard with friends, but I wouldn't have it any other way, because trying too hard is the same thing as having a truly giving heart.  It can be said Jesus tried too hard, He gave his life to those who turned Him away, and He did so out of love.  God never once said do for yourself first, not once, that is a man made rule.

Everything I do in life I do out of respect and love.  I always try to put myself in the other person's shoe before I act.  Nobody likes to be forgotten, so I always remember to make time for friends and say I love them.  Nobody wants to be a burden, so I always welcome people with a smile.  Nobody wants to feel ignored, so I always open myself to them.  You need to stop looking at my love as clingy, and start realizing that maybe my love is real.  Think about it, after all we've been through, after all the struggle and hurt I survived, after everything good and bad we've made it through, not one time did  I ever stop loving her.  So when you move on, your asking someone who has been more loyal to her than anyone else ever has to basically end their life and happiness forever.  Why is it so hard for you to grasp I don't want any other love, why do you refuse to let me be happy.  Why is everything good I do automatically interpreted as sexual motivated?  I did everything I do know even before I ever loved you?  I didn't change one bit, what changed is how you chose to receive it.  In many ways you create the problems between us this way.  All I've ever asked is to be accepted for who I am, just as I have always accepted you for who you are.

Sometimes the next chapter isn't better, sometimes the next chapter is the end.  Grass is rarely greener on the other side.  People rarely realize the impact their actions and words can have despite the old saying words can kill and destroy lives forever.  If you love someone than show it, it truly is that simple.  It never makes sense to me how people push away those who love them completely.  It just doesn't.  I want to look in your heart and think about what you are doing and saying, and then I want you to feel in your heart how you crushing my will live and what you are putting me through for your own selfish desires, think before you speak.  Is loving you so completely really a bad thing for you.  I've always said race, looks, sex, size or anything like that doesn't matter, it is a person's heart that is the true sign of who they are and how much they love you.  When a person's heart completely loves you, it has a way of finding ways to create money, dreams and success.  I never have or will stop loving you, treat me like I don't exist all you want, but I still love, put a bullet in my heart, and my dying words will be I love you, my point is my love is completely real and will never die.  Stop trying to kill my love, stop trying to kill who I am, stop trying to kill me, because how can you say you love me and care about me in any way if you keep trying to destroy what I love most and makes me happiest in life.

Round and Round

I love her, and I am eternally thankful for her.  She is the only true love of my life, and the only woman I want to spend my life with.  She does more for me than she realizes, even if she can't see it herself.  Sometimes she doesn't want to admit it, but she does love me, and has told me multiple times before.  She knows the truth is deep in her heart she truly loves me, and she knows deep in my heart I will always truly love her.  We both better each other, we both bring out the best in one another.

She is my top priority, she is more important to me than money, she is more important to me than work, she is more important to me than myself, she is more important to me than anything else.  Many women claim they want a man who hustles and love himself first, and this sounds nice and all, but what women don't realize a man who hustles will one day hustle them too and run to greener pastures in their eyes, and a man who loves himself first will always put himself before his woman, so if he has to choose between himself or them, he will always choose himself and leave her.  Sometimes women have to understand they keep finding bad men because they keep chasing the wrong things.

Love is meant to shared and giving, love is not selfish, but love is humble.  When a man truly loves a woman, he will always put her before himself, he will be willing to sacrifice and give himself to make his love happy and her dreams fulfilled.  A man will make her first priority to provide for his love and family.  A man will never complain about making his love's life a great as possible.  It should never be a burden or chore to make his love happy.  Money can be replaced, jobs can be replaced, the one you love can not be replaced.

I understand there a many fish in the sea, but there is no other fish like the one I love, and she is the only one I love and need.  Women want a man who will be loyal to them, a man who will provide for them, a man who will stay by their side for life and always be happy.  But if a man does this they see it as him throwing themselves at them, and then the women chase the exciting man who always ultimately hurts them when he feels he found something better or he gets bored.  I will never grow bored of her, because every time I see her I remember how blessed I am and how great she is.  Just because I'm willing to admit I love her completely doesn't mean I'm weak, instead it means I so strong I know I can submit to her and still hold my own.  She doesn't realize it, but she worked hard to break me, and believe me I'm one stubborn individual and one tough heart to get in, but she did it.  The thing is, one you get in my heart, I cherish you forever because you truly make me happy.  I''ve literally laid out the playbook for her to take me, and no matter what happens, no matter how much money we have or don't have, no matter where we work, no matter what life throws at us, I will love her and guarantee she is provided for and happy and loved.  I would sell everything I have just to make sure she would love a happy life with love.  These aren't just words I say, this is my very way of life.  Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and realize sometimes the one who refuses to stop loving is the one who will always be the one for you, stop running and stop doubting and finally start living in love.

Never Shaken

To the woman I love, this is what you mean to me.... I've never met anyone like you. I trust you with my life. And I feel tied to you in a way that I can't explain, but wouldn't change, ever.  And yes, I'm more than willing to say this to her face simply because it is 100% true.  You see, I've told her I love her to her face, I've told her I would never stop loving no matter what she does or says, but I've told her to her face I will always respect her first.  And if I must hold back my feelings to respect her, I will, but I will never give up on her or stop loving her.  I refuse to lie to her on this.  I have always been exactly who I say I am, I have always done exactly what I've promised I would, and I always will because I have nothing to hide from her, and even if I did I wouldn't want to.  To her I am an open book, but with that said, I am only an open book to very few people in my life, and none more than her.

You see, I believe in God's will and God's way, and God placed this love in me for her and God has left this love in me for her for a reason.  That reason is it is part of His will and His way.  It is not may place to understand that, or question that, it is simply my place to believe in His will and His way.  He never told me what will happen between us before we ultimately fulfill this love, He never told me how long it would be until it happens.  I simply accept it and believe completely in Him and the love placed in me.  This is why I cannot be shaken or broken or deterred in my love for her.  Jab at me all you want, laugh at me all day and night, doubt me until I die, in the end I don't care and it doesn't phase me one bit, in the end all you do is make yourself show your true colors.  I know deep down she loves me, and that bothers certain others, but my question to them would be why does it bother you if you trust her and believe in her?  Do you fear my love?  Do you realize my love is the real thing?  Are you insecure in your ownself and own love?  So many questions that only certain people can answer.

I am no dummy, although I will sometimes pretend to be oblivious.  I notice everything, I am a master at obtaining information, it's a gift I always have.  Just because I know something doesn't mean I let you know I know.  Information is so valuable when it isn't known you have it.  Sometimes saying nothing is stronger than anything else you can do.  I know when someone jabs at me, but I take in stride with a smile and confidence, if you have to jab at me, then I must be hitting the truth.  Patience is the true key to love, and nobody has patience like me.  In the end you always reap what you sow, maybe not in the way you imagined, but you always do.  I always do my best to sow kindness, understanding, love, forgiveness, selflessness, positivity and always put others before me.  And believe me in the grand scheme of things this is what reap through God.  Sometimes I get hurt and set back, but God always places me in a better place, it is why I fear no hate or man or even devil, because I know God will always be with me, and the moment He chooses to let me fall for the final time, I will get to go home to Him in eternal happiness.  I understand what the world says now about us, I understand where things currently are at, but I always understand everything changes in time, and God's will and way will always be done on His schedule.

So while at this time she has shackles on me, and I cannot share my feelings with her to her face out of respect for her.  Bur I always want to everytime I see her, but until she removes the shackles I will not budge, and I will honor her and respect her because I love her.  She asks for a lot, and she deserves it, and I don't mind, when you love someone as I do her, you never mind or complain about making her happy.

Way Of Life

When I care or love someone, whether it be as a person I want to spend my life with or a person I see as a close friend, I'm the type that will bend time to be there for you even when you have nothing else, even when you have everything, even when I have nothing, even when I have everything, bottom line is I will find a way to be there for you and to support you at all times, that is who I am, and that will never change about me simply because I'm proud of that part of me.  I understand I can't always expect that in return from everyone else, I understand I'm the rare breed, but that is ok because I know in my heart I treat people right and always try my best to do the right thing through actions and words.

When I feel down or negative, I seclude myself a lot, and that is because I don't want to spread any negative vibes, but I confess even I need to vent to someone at times and I do get lonely.  I have a couple great friends I know will always be there for me, and they know who they are, and I love them dearly for that and will always appreciate them and be loyal to them.  My pride and conscience often times stop me from asking for help I confess, I'm that person who will always try to find a way to fix my own problems before I ask for help, but there are times I have little choice, at least when I ask people they realize I've run out of options.

The woman I love, I love even beyond my death.  I would give her anything including the very heart in my chest and air that I breathe.  Even when I have no money, I would give her money to keep her dreams alive and to be provided for.  I'm willing to do without, if it means she can do with.  I take solace in her happiness, and knowing I helped her be happy.  She will always have my complete support and loyalty no matter what happens.  My dream is to spend my life with her by my side and a family of our own I confess, but even if we aren't together I will be there for her.  Sometimes people say to make someone realize they love you, make them experience life without you for a while.  I simply can't do that to her, it isn't who I am to turn my back on the woman I love.  I believe in her heart, mind and soul, I believe she realize how much I love her and that she loves me, and that I have been the one man who has always been there for her no matter what the circumstances.  Even when she hurt me or pushed me away, I was there, even when she loved me and spent time with me, I was there, no matter what, I am always there and always will be.  She deserves the very best in love, and that is what I offer her.

Her dreams and happiness are important to me, maybe the most important things in my life.  Her mother and daughter also mean the world to me, I can't think of a better group of people to spend time with.  They all brings smiles to my heart.  And I would do anything for any of them, and they know that.  Love is more than looks, sex, words, romance, love is a way of life.  Love is every action you take being to support the one you love, and in doing so you support yourself, give and take selflessly.  Maybe we can't do expensive dates right now, but that never mattered to me, I could actually sit on a couch and talk about life with her and it would be a wonderful date, learn to cook with her again a wonderful date, it isn't about the money or power, it's about spending real time with the one I love, that is what makes a wonderful date.  I just want her to take me, make me her's, and allow herself to be mine. I belong to her and with her, and I'm, so ready, to submit to this life with her, all she has to do grab me and take me, she already has my permission.

Wonders

There are times I wonder if people understand what they truly are asking of me, or if they truly know what they want from me.  I do everything in my power to do the right thing, act the right way, and be the best person for those I love, and many times I feel people just overlook that because they just want me to be what makes things easier for them only.

Look, I'm not blaming anyone for anything, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm simply making a broad statement from a point of view I know we've all had at one time or another.  Bottom line is this, I love her, that will never change in me, no matter who ignores me or attacks me or pushes me away, I will always love her more than life itself.  I know in my heart if given the chance by her, I can love her more than any other man out there, I know this.  I will even go as far as to say I know I am willing to do things for her that no other man will.  I'm not afraid to put everything I have including my future and life on the line for her and her dreams.  I not afraid to place my very existence in her hands and relinquishes all control to her if needed.  Most men would never completely give themselves up to anyone, I'm not most men, I'm strong enough to know if I love someone completely, then I will trust them completely all the way until my death.  Many say this, I live this.

I sometimes wonder what she really expects from me.  I love her completely, and she knows it.  Deep down she loves me, and she knows it, even if she tries to hide it.  Yet I'm willing to hold my love back and be her friend because I want her to be happy, and I respect her, I choose to never openly overstep as long as there is someone else no matter how I feel.  She and I have never been an item, as far as I know we've never even dated, I don't think we ever got to that point because had we I would have acted differently.  And sometimes I feel in her eyes she thinks we dated, but in my eyes we never did.  I always thought we went out as friends, if I thought we were dating I would have made more moves in certain areas.  And that's my problem, in my eyes we never gave our love a real chance, and in my heart there is no greater love than my love for her.  She can't expect me to stop loving her and still be happy, the type of love I have for her is far to real for that.  It's hard enough on me to do right and hold back and be the friend I know I want and need to be for her, but asking me to forget I love her is way too much to expect.

I keep our talks casual on purposes, I make sure I include her in every decision between us because I don't want her uncomfortable.  I take every precaution I can to make sure I show her respect.  And yet, somehow she still pushes me away and ignores me.  I love her, I never want her to fail, I never want her to do without, and yes my dream is to be her husband, but that being said, I would never force her into that.  When will she understand if I can't have her as my love, I need her right now as my close friend.  I could understand if I was trying to get with her openly and grabbing her and such, but I don't, in fact I do the opposite.  I even hold my compliments on how beautiful she is, because heaven forbid someone take it the wrong way and go crazy.

What happened to simply kindness among friends, when did people start reading so much into every little thing said?  I'll be blunt, I need her in my life, she balances me whether it is as my love or my friend.  And I will always protect her and be there for her no matter what, and if needed I will make sure she is treated right by anyone around.  Just because I love her and it is my dream to be with her, doesn't mean I would hurt her to make that happen.  I'm not that kind of man, I believe God let's things happen and true love finds a way.  And I truly love her, and I believe God knows that.  There is not a bone in my body that doubts my love for her.

Don't hate me because I love you, and before you say you don't, think about it, you push away things that you don't like.  So when you push me away or ignore me knowing how much you mean to me, that is the message you send.  Anyone that loves you, should love you and anyone else in your life that truly has your back.  I would never try to divide you from anyone who is there for you no matter what, because I love seeing you happy.  Jealousy is what makes people pull you away from those you love, jealousy is caused by insecurity and lack of trust in those they love, jealousy comes when someone realizes they can't give what someone else is willing to.  I'm not jealous of anyone, all I ask is to be able to freely spend time and talk to the one love, even if its as a friend.  She and I both know me very well, she knows I would never try to be with her unless she was single, and she knows I will always let her relationships play out no matter what, and she knows I will always love her and wait for her.

I'm one of the few guys alive who has not been corrupted by today's world.  I don't see anyone as property, especially the one I love, I respect all, and I see us all as equals, and when I love someone completely, I am loyal to them forever, and they are my only love.  I know this won't sound right, but I would rather die, than face life not being able to spend time with her and talk with her in any way.  Sometimes good people say they're a friend and truly understand they are only a friend right now, and while they may confess they want more and love more, they understand where life is at right now.  I don't know what the future holds, people die and are born every day, life changes constantly.  Relationships die and start, divorces and marriages happen constantly, everything changes.  So who knows, 5, 10, 20 years could pass, and I would still love her and want to be with her for life.

If the one reason you hate me is because I love her, then I'm proud to know you hate me, because I'm proud to love her.  She never gave me the chance to show her, and be her's, but if she ever does I promise I will be the only man and last man she will ever need to be happy forever.  I ask myself do I love her enough to give her everything I have, everything I am, am I willing to allow myself to be her's, and my answer is yes.  And I have always shown her that, if she thinks back, she will realize I have always put her first in my life, and I have never let her down.  I'm willing no other man is willing to completely give himself up to her like this.  God loved this world so much, that he gave Himself up completely for us, and He allowed Himself to become our's.  That is pure love, giving yourself up, and that is how I love her.  Loving yourself first isn't true love, you have to learn to love who you love before yourself or things will never be completely at peace.  Because if you put them first, and they put you first, than you're both covered completely.  Love isn't about doing for yourself, love is about giving yourself.

One day I know things will play out, people will show there true colors, I know.  What is unfortunate people will get hurt I know.  But the thing is I've already shown my true colors because I don't hide them, my colors are my love for her, and this color will never die.  She isn't just a woman to me, she isn't just a love, she isn't just a sexy body, she is everything worth living for to me.  I don't know why I must struggle like I do in life like this, why God allows me to love her and not be with her, but He placed this love in me, and He has not removed it at all, so I know in His plan somehow this will find a way and all this struggle for me will be worth it.  I love her, and you can hurt me, make me sad, ignore me, attack me or whatever, but you'll never stop me from loving her unless you kill me.  All I would ask her to do is step back, and think about how loyal I have been to her, and think about what I've been through with her and how I still love her, and think is there anyone else out there who would have stuck with her like this as I have.  Now think, isn't my love worth a chance.

Go All In

It's been a strange last few days to say the least, certain things happening or not happening that make me wonder or confused.  But over time with her I've learned never read too much into anything or silence, because with her, she just sometimes keeps to yourself for a few days for her own reasons, and I've learned to accept that and let her have that and not worry about it.  Because deep down I know she loves me and will get to me when she is ready, I just have to be a patient man and friend.

Its tough, because I like to talk to her a lot, and its hard for me to step back sometimes because I get addicted to how she makes me so happy.  I truly love her and being with her, it truly is happiness on earth.  Sometimes people get scared when you think so highly of them, they're afraid they can't live up to it, but in my eyes she already does and more, I know she isn't perfect and I know she will have bad moments, but to me she will always be high up in my eyes.  People will disappoint you always, but you can either be upset with it or realize they're human too and work with them to improve it.  I choose to realize she is human and try to make it better.

There is a reason I write things here and don't say them in public to her, I do so because I try not to cause problems and at the same time I can vent a bit.  What people do with information and such is beyond my control.  And that is the simple truth.  I fight for peace, I fight for equality, I fight for everyone, that is the only way to true peace, and trust me it is far from easy to do.  Fighting for right without hate in you is incredibly hard yet amazingly noble.  These last few times I've seen her have brought me happiness, and all we do is small talk, yes I would love to have some real deep conversations, but any time with her is amazing to me.  I hear all the time men complaining their is asking for too much and is never happy, but I say to all men, if you love her than you should be willing to give her all of you and everything without resentment, if you're going to love for life, then at least go all in.

So Much

I love her, and I have always let my actions do my talking for me.  I'm a giver by trait, and I always give her everything I have, and to me that makes me happy knowing I helped her be happy and successful.  It's hard to put into words how much and why love her, I'm willing to give her everything and more that I can for no other than I love her.

I'm completely committed to her, I can give unwavering loyalty, never ending support, complete trust, all of my heart and soul.  The very idea of having a family and conquering our dreams together for the rest of our lives is pure bliss to me.  She is never a burden, instead she has always been a blessing.  My love is unconditional, I have never looked at her and doubted my love.  Even on her worst days, she makes it one of my best days.  I truly appreciate her, and I realize how much better my life is with her, and it makes me want to make her life better every chance I get.

Many others will post witty remarks and say the right things, but I'd much rather just do the right thing with her, and simply show her the depth of my love.  I know she says she hates being spoiled, but deep down I know she loves it, and I enjoy spoiling her.  In many ways, as far as I'm concerned, I belong to her, and in a way thats as real as love can be, giving yourself completely to someone and be completely at peace with it.  How many other people can honestly tell her that and truly mean it? 

I see her, and I see happiness, I see my world.  Waking up next to her every morning would be the greatest life ever.  I'm pretty sure she'll push me, and I know she'll test me, and I love her for it.  I may come out with a few bruises here and there, but I know she loves me and I can take it.  Deep down, I truly do understand her, and sometimes I know she just wants to know the one she loves will be there and listen to her, and not be afraid to hold her hand and jump in the fire with her, and that is who I am. 

I wish we could run away together with our little family, and start anew, and I know at first it would scary and hard, but I know we could do it, sounds crazy I know, but sometimes you just need a fresh start and you just got to take risk.  I know right now that isn't realistic, but you would be a fun journey.  I'm so ready for her and I to be one, and I know if we get together like that we would be risking a wonderful friendship, and that is scary, but at the same time we could be walking into the greatest love in our lives and eternal happiness.  So risk a friendship or risk the greatest love ever, I know what I would choose.  Bottom line, I know I can give her and do for her what no other man can, and the simple reason is I completely her and am willing to her all of me, and I mean all of me no exceptions.  Most men can't do that for any woman because most men aren't secure in their love or themselves.  When a man knows he has found the love of his life he completely commits to them and only them, and that is how I feel about her.  I just need her to make her move on me, one date and one kiss initiated by her would be all the sign I need.  I love her, I keep saying that, and it is so true.  I've never been more sure about anything in my life, this love, it is beyond words, and it is something I have never felt before,  I just want to hold her forever and get lost in her for eternity.  God I love her.

Be Happy

There are a lot of people who are selfish in this world, a lot of people who don't care who they have to crush just to get what they want, and there are times I wish I could be more like them honestly.  But the problem is I never will be like them, because if I was like them, then I would be losing who I really truly am.  I am comfortable with who I am, I am giving and generous, I place those I love before myself, I do things because I feel they are the right thing to do, and not because it benefits me.  I love completely, I give without needing anything in return.  And yes, I get hurt, I get disappointed, I get taken advantage of, but that one person who sees me for me and truly cares about me and appreciates me, that one person truly makes the rest of the world meaningless.

Really I have two people in my life who I know appreciate me completely, and the rest of world can overlook me or toss me to the side and I don't care.  I have two people who love me completely and they are my closest friends, and honestly that is all the approval I need.  One is the love of my life, the other is my closest and most trusted friend, and both are a big part of my life and what I'm about.  My life isn't perfect, the woman I love isn't with me yet, but in time I know love will find a way, I'm still looking for a job, but things are coming together, and maybe this isn't where I wanted to be at my age, but I know I'm on the right track.

When you love someone, they are all you need to be happy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, as long as they love you.  I saw the woman I love today, and chatted with her, and all I could think about was how amazing and wonderful she is.  I know deep down that right now she is scared and she is afraid to fail, but what I see in her is hard work and determination, I she a woman who is destined to succeed, as woman who should fearless.  She is amazing, and mark my words she will be successful, even if I die helping her get there. 

I see her, and I see the woman I want a family with, the woman I want a home with, the woman I want to build our dreams together with.  I don't connect with people a lot, I trust very few, but with her I'm at ease, I feel connected, I feel like we're together in our thoughts, and together we always make things happen.  I want to grow old with her, and even at the end of our lives love like we just met.  I want to show her the world and my heart.  I want to get lost in her forever.  I wish we could make time stand still.  I'm afraid of anything or anyone when I'm with her, I love her so much.  I know what must happen for us to be together, and I know there would be those who wouldn't be happy for us, but I also know our love is real and that we would be completely and truly happy for life because we truly love each other all the way through, and I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as we love one another.  Haters will always try to pull us apart, those who feel threatened will always try to put a wedge between us, but understand that only proves more how real our love is, and I promise you nobody and nothing will ever convince me to ever stop loving her and I will never walk away from her.  I don't just say the right things, I actually follow through and do them to.

It could be my last day on earth and I could be about to lose everything, but if I had her and we were together, I would be happy and worry free.  You haven't truly loved someone until you find someone who completes you, and always makes you happy and at peace no matter if times are good or bad.  So to her I thank you, thank you for being you, thank you for stealing my heart, thank you for being the only one I love, thank you for completing, and most of all thank you for being you and letting me be me, and thank you for blessing me with the honor to help you be happy.  Sometimes true happiness is right in front of us, and sometimes we fight it, but if we simply let everything else go and trust in it, God has a way of working things out.  I offer happiness, I offer loyalty, I offer unconditional love, I offer honesty, I offer all of me, I love you, this is no joke, all I need in life is you, believe me it's true.  I love you, and everything about you, and everything that comes with you, I love your past, present and future, I know more then you realize, but I love you.  Let's be happy.  I won't force you to love me, but I will fight like hell to stay in your life and keep you in mine because I truly love you.  I'm not weak because I can't walk away, I'm strong because no matter what happens I refuse to give up on you.

Staying

I love her, she is my world, she is my everything.  And no matter what happens in life or between us, I will never leave her or abandon her.  I'm the one who fights to keep her in my life, I'm the one who fights to stay a part of her life.  I fight for my love, I fight for her, I fight for us.  My love for her is strong, it is ever growing, it is unconditional, it is eternal.

One day she'll truly grasp how rare and true my love is for her, and one day I know we will have our chance.  I don't know when or how, I just believe it will.  I've had the pleasure of having a couple decent conversations with her the past few weeks, and we haven't talked about anything serious really, but she needs to realize those have been the happiest moments I've had in a long time.  I look forward every week to having a chance to talk with her and see her, when you love someone like I do her, its not what you do that is important, its the time you get to spend together doing anything that makes you happy.

She has my full support in all she does, I wish I could make a living just being there for her and helping her honestly, I love her so much.  She is always on my mind and in my dreams.  She is a queen, and I love her every second for who she is and her dreams.  I love her.  I'm ready to take on the world with her, with us together in love, all she has to do and make her move on me.

In Truth

Those who truly know me, know that I have one of the biggest hearts out there, and they know I never try to hurt anyone simply because I never believe that is right.  However, even though I try hard to word things as positive and constructive as possible, I am a very honest and open person.  I simply call it as I see it, and I might not always be right, but often times I'm very close to the mark.  You see, I don't be honest to cause problems or stir the pot, no, I do it because I believe in order to find real peace and solutions in life you have to pull back the curtains and really see the truth for what it is.

I encourage growth and positive change in everyone, even myself, and sometimes what I say might rub someone the wrong way unintentionally, but understand I do so with the best intentions.  I'm very protective of those I love, and I know my weaknesses and flaws all too well.  I'm beyond loyal to a fault of the one's I love.  Doing for those I love, is how I do for myself.  Just because you can't wrap your head around how I tick or how my happiness works, doesn't mean it isn't real.

With me, there is only way to truly hurt me and possible break me.  You can take from me all you want, I can lose my job, I can lose my money, I can lose all my belongings, I can even lose my health, and I will find a way to survive and be happy.  But my achilles heel in life, is the one's I love, I can't lose them and be happy, they are my happiness, they are in many ways my reasons for life.

Some people get happiness from taking everything for themselves, but in the end when they have taken everything they feel empty and many times alone, they are left with nothing else to chase and keep them going.  Other people, like myself, find their happiness in doing for others, it brings them joy to bring happiness to those the love, and these people may never have all the fame and riches of the world, but we never lose happiness as there is always someone we love to do for.

When I love someone, their dream becomes my dream, my dream is to see and help them achieve their dream, that is my true happiness.  I love her, and there nothing I would not do for her, and I will wait for her forever if I must.  I'm wise enough to know her life is her own, and her choices are her own as well, even though I truly believe she and I are meant to be for one another, I have to trust her and my love and God enough, to let things play out as they must.  In the end, and in time, the truth always reveals itself, and people's true colors always come out.  When that time comes, she knows no matter what we've been through, I will be standing right there to help her and love her forever.  There is nothing in this world that can ever make me stop believing in her and loving her and wanting to be with her, she is on of a kind, she truly is priceless and only deserves to be treated like the true queen that she is.  She cannot be broken, and those that try will always shatter when they hit reality.  When you love someone, as I do her, they should be your number one priority even before yourself, because reality is for love to be perfect if you put them first in your life, and they truly love you back, then you will be first in their life, and in the end you both are still covered.  Too many people are out for just themselves, and it sounds so good and so ambitious to do that, but in the end it always leads to loneliness because while you were focused own just yourself, you let the rest of the world around you fall apart and disappear.  God was selfless, and we are to live in his example, remember that.

Look Up

I love her, and only her, and I never will give up on her or my dream to be with her.  You have to realize, I love her completely, and until we take the risk and give our love a real chance, I will always pursue her.  Look, while I truly believe if we ever try and give our love a chance that we will both be happy together for life and love happily in love, and truly believe this, but I can't predict the future, ultimately we could fail, even despite our best efforts.  Now personally choose to see life and love as half full, I look for the positives.

And I believe our love is more than enough to bring us eternal happiness, I really do.  But I'm not giving up on my love for her without trying first.  That is what I ask people to understand.  I love her, and I desire to find out myself the hard way if we can be or not.  I feel she thinks I expect certain things from her that she feels she might not have yet, but the truth is I love her for exactly who she is and what she is striving to become.  We're actually on the same journey in many ways, sometimes we choose different paths, but our paths always end up crossing over and over again.

I truly feel God is doing His best to bring us together somehow, I just feel that way.  I'm not going to lie to her, I'm not going to pretend I don't need her, I'm not going to promise something I don't intend to deliver, I love her so much that I want to be honest and real with her.  I don't care who knows my love for her, the whole world can know or it can just be between us, it doesn't matter to me as long as we're in love together.

What good are we really doing by refusing to give our love a chance?  Think of the happiness would have together, think of the love we could share.  Have you ever met a man who loves you as truly as I do, a man who is willing to stand with you and support you and build with you as consistently as me.  Do you not know that I do this out of love, and loving you makes me happy, spending time with you is my dream.  Holding you is the happiest place I can be.  I don't get scared, I don't let struggles slow me down, I always hold my head high, and I'm never ashamed of loving her.  Her mind and heart are great, I welcome her thoughts and emotions, I love her and everything that comes with her.  Give our love chance, let me prove to you we can be, let me be happy with you and do my best to help you be happy too.  You mean everything to me, and that is a great thing.  Try my love, and you will see what real love can be, this I promise you.

Understand

I love her.  And she is my one and only love, and that is all I need to be happy.  Love is thrown around so often, people think they know it and feel it.  But love, true love can only be given to one person in your life completely.  When you love someone so much that nobody else can touch your heart, then you know real love.  There are many women in this world, and I could easily turn to someone else, but I couldn't love them, because I completely love her.

God intended true love to be special and unique to between two people, when God created Adam and Eve He was showing us what true love is meant to be in our lives.  If you love someone enough to give them your heart and only give it to them, then understand when they give you their heart you should only hold their heart and nobody else.  There can be different levels of love of course, although love isn't the right word really.  But true love is for one person in your life.  When you try to give love to multiple people you dilute who you are and your love.  You lessen your commitment to your partner.  I'm not saying having friends and family dilute it, no what I speak of is loving more than one person on a deeper level does.

Understand I have my head on straight and my mind is clear.  I have lost everything and more in my life a few times, and yet I'm still surviving, so nothing will make me run in life, not even death.  I know I love her, and she is my life, and there is nothing I wouldn't do to show her my love.  I see her succeeding in life, achieving her dream of one day having her own restaurant, and all I want to do is help her succeed.  I know deep down right now this is taking a lot of her effort and time to succeed, and maybe she doesn't have a lot of time for love, but with me that is ok.  I feel I love her so much, that I would love spending time with her helping her succeed.  To me that is love, if the one you love is sacrificing something to make their dreams a reality, then you should be willing to stand by them and sacrifice the same.

I do not waver in love or God's commands in the Word.  Albeit when Jesus died on the cross, as Paul said in the New Testament, many of the Old Testament laws were forgiven through the blood Jesus.  But nevertheless we should strive to follow God's will.  So, love is meant for two people who are committed to one another and nobody else, if you cheat, then you've tainted your love, even if you keep it a secret, in time all secrets are revealed, God sees all.  It is funny to me how people try to justify certain things when it comes to love, but no matter the spin you try to put on it, in the end if you truly believe God's word, as I do, then it is very what love is and His commandments are.  I love you, I want to spend my life with you, and right now I don't how it will happen, but we will succeed and achieve our dreams together, I have faith in us, unwavering faith.  No matter how low life gets or high we fly, my love for you will never change or die, let us hold each other and give one another all our love and let go of what is pulling us back, let's trust God and love to see us through to happiness.