I am normally a calm person, I have a long fuse, but when I go off, believe me I will explode in ways that many never see coming. So here is what pisses me off and makes me feel disrespected and offended on an epic level.
I have been very honest and open about my love for her, yet I have been very respectful in holding my love in when in her presence and being the best friend I can be. However, I do have to find a way to vent or I'll implode, so I find a way through here so I don't force anything on anyone. But still, even though I never once overstep and I do my very best to respect her relationship and be just a friend. Everyone, but me, automatically jump to every little thing I do must be an attempt to make love happen. It gets very old and irritating. If I breathe wrong, I'm flirting. If I compliment her, I'm flirting. If I offer to help my friend, I'm flirting. If I attempt to talk to her and just see how she is doing, I'm must be flirting. NEWSFLASH!!!! I'm not flirting!!!! I've always said and been very clear, you will know when I'm flirting!!!! So yes, it pisses me off when I make no mention about my love to anyone in person at all for her, and people still jump to conclusions and feel the need to say move on or ignore me. Guess what!!! If you wouldn't constantly punish me for being a friend even though you have it in your mind I'm doing more, I would be fine, we would be fine. Don't you get it, you're creating the very problem you've been trying to prevent.
If I don't bring it up, then why the hell would you? Think about it. We were just now really talking again, we were doing great at being friends again, we were growing and it was amazing, I was happy again. But you just had to start this shit again and start being paranoid and thinking I was trying to do more. When will you learn? I contained my love, I respect you, time after time I've proven my friendship to you, and yet you take any crumb you can get to attack me for loving you.
If you're going to be brutally honest, then start with yourself and why you keep doubting me and accusing me every chance you get. Think about it, since we started talking again, what have I done for you. I supported your business, I've offered to help you succeed anyway I can, I've given you positive support, and I've checked in to see how you were doing, and at times I've wanted to see you just to talk. All those things are things any good friend would do, none of those qualify as me trying to be more, none of them. Yet that seems to be where your minds go. I cannot control your paranoia on that, that is something you have to learn to control yourself. Whether its yourself thinking that, or someone else putting the idea in your head, you have to stop that. You always talk about others being comfortable or fairness, yet you never care if its fair to me or makes me uncomfortable, why is that?
Explain to me again why I have to give up a friendship I cherish because the one I love isn't with me. Friendship and love relationships are two different things. But apparently you can't seem to grasp that. This is why I get so upset when I see stuff like that, when I see people trying to pull us apart, or when out of blue you start ignoring me for no real reason. I have been beyond loyal to you, I have stood by you through anything, I have loved you through everything, I have never doubted you, I have never looked at you in a negative light. Yet I feel constantly judged and doubted even though I have always gone out of my way to be just a friend and hold my love back. Maybe it isn't me that has the problem, maybe you are just determined to prove that I'm doing more even though you have never been able to prove anything but your own theories in your mind, that isn't a fact, theories in your mind are just guesses.
Have I ever made a move on you, have I ever tried to steal you, have I ever tried anything like that to make you mine. The answer is no. Everything I've done has been as a friend, my best friend I confess, but nothing more. I just wish for all our sakes you would start understanding that. You keep putting me in situation where nothing I do will be right, because you've already decided in your head I am doing more. We all are human, even you, and none of us knows what is best for each other, only God knows that, so stop pushing people towards what you think is best, when in reality you have no idea. Just let me be the friend I am, let me be me, I love you, I've always admitted, and in the rare times we have discussed it I have never hidden that, so why would I start now.... be a friend back, thats all I've asked, friends don't ignore each other, friends don't hide from each other, friends don't doubt each other, friends don't make assumptions of each other. Friends love each other, and want to see each other, and friends are there for each other. It really has always been that simple. Heaven is God's temple, the world is the devil's playground... you have to learn the difference, what is God's word, and what is the world's sayings. Not all quotes and sayings are Godly or even true.
The irony her is what set me off wasn't the woman I love, she actually has been treating me better lately and I'm happy for that and thankful. It was something else, something that was beyond hurtful and not needed. To everyone out there, I love her, she knows that, but together we are making progress at being friends and getting through it. So let us do this on our own, we're both grown and we both actually do care for one another, we both know each other, and we don't need outside people swaying us in any way. Just let us be friends and let us be happy, we got this. I trust her, I always have.
I have been very honest and open about my love for her, yet I have been very respectful in holding my love in when in her presence and being the best friend I can be. However, I do have to find a way to vent or I'll implode, so I find a way through here so I don't force anything on anyone. But still, even though I never once overstep and I do my very best to respect her relationship and be just a friend. Everyone, but me, automatically jump to every little thing I do must be an attempt to make love happen. It gets very old and irritating. If I breathe wrong, I'm flirting. If I compliment her, I'm flirting. If I offer to help my friend, I'm flirting. If I attempt to talk to her and just see how she is doing, I'm must be flirting. NEWSFLASH!!!! I'm not flirting!!!! I've always said and been very clear, you will know when I'm flirting!!!! So yes, it pisses me off when I make no mention about my love to anyone in person at all for her, and people still jump to conclusions and feel the need to say move on or ignore me. Guess what!!! If you wouldn't constantly punish me for being a friend even though you have it in your mind I'm doing more, I would be fine, we would be fine. Don't you get it, you're creating the very problem you've been trying to prevent.
If I don't bring it up, then why the hell would you? Think about it. We were just now really talking again, we were doing great at being friends again, we were growing and it was amazing, I was happy again. But you just had to start this shit again and start being paranoid and thinking I was trying to do more. When will you learn? I contained my love, I respect you, time after time I've proven my friendship to you, and yet you take any crumb you can get to attack me for loving you.
If you're going to be brutally honest, then start with yourself and why you keep doubting me and accusing me every chance you get. Think about it, since we started talking again, what have I done for you. I supported your business, I've offered to help you succeed anyway I can, I've given you positive support, and I've checked in to see how you were doing, and at times I've wanted to see you just to talk. All those things are things any good friend would do, none of those qualify as me trying to be more, none of them. Yet that seems to be where your minds go. I cannot control your paranoia on that, that is something you have to learn to control yourself. Whether its yourself thinking that, or someone else putting the idea in your head, you have to stop that. You always talk about others being comfortable or fairness, yet you never care if its fair to me or makes me uncomfortable, why is that?
Explain to me again why I have to give up a friendship I cherish because the one I love isn't with me. Friendship and love relationships are two different things. But apparently you can't seem to grasp that. This is why I get so upset when I see stuff like that, when I see people trying to pull us apart, or when out of blue you start ignoring me for no real reason. I have been beyond loyal to you, I have stood by you through anything, I have loved you through everything, I have never doubted you, I have never looked at you in a negative light. Yet I feel constantly judged and doubted even though I have always gone out of my way to be just a friend and hold my love back. Maybe it isn't me that has the problem, maybe you are just determined to prove that I'm doing more even though you have never been able to prove anything but your own theories in your mind, that isn't a fact, theories in your mind are just guesses.
Have I ever made a move on you, have I ever tried to steal you, have I ever tried anything like that to make you mine. The answer is no. Everything I've done has been as a friend, my best friend I confess, but nothing more. I just wish for all our sakes you would start understanding that. You keep putting me in situation where nothing I do will be right, because you've already decided in your head I am doing more. We all are human, even you, and none of us knows what is best for each other, only God knows that, so stop pushing people towards what you think is best, when in reality you have no idea. Just let me be the friend I am, let me be me, I love you, I've always admitted, and in the rare times we have discussed it I have never hidden that, so why would I start now.... be a friend back, thats all I've asked, friends don't ignore each other, friends don't hide from each other, friends don't doubt each other, friends don't make assumptions of each other. Friends love each other, and want to see each other, and friends are there for each other. It really has always been that simple. Heaven is God's temple, the world is the devil's playground... you have to learn the difference, what is God's word, and what is the world's sayings. Not all quotes and sayings are Godly or even true.
The irony her is what set me off wasn't the woman I love, she actually has been treating me better lately and I'm happy for that and thankful. It was something else, something that was beyond hurtful and not needed. To everyone out there, I love her, she knows that, but together we are making progress at being friends and getting through it. So let us do this on our own, we're both grown and we both actually do care for one another, we both know each other, and we don't need outside people swaying us in any way. Just let us be friends and let us be happy, we got this. I trust her, I always have.
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