All That Matters

I've always been a person you makes my own decisions about people based on my own experiences with them.  I don't care if anyone agrees or disagree with how I feel about someone.  If you love someone, then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.  What matters is how you feel and they feel.  Once you start letting others sway your feelings for them, then that is when the relationship starts to falter.

I love her, I do, I have never denied that.  I respect her, and every choice she makes, I have always confessed and honored that.  I trust her, and I have been very open about this.  I am loyal to her, I have proven this time after time.  So let it be known, when it comes to me and her, and our relationship as friends or any other level, it only matters to me what the two of us think and feel.  Others are allowed to have their opinions, that is only fair, but understand she and I respect and love one another way too much to not trust each other enough with what we have.  We cannot and will not be divided unless we both make that choice, we both refuse to submit to anyone other than our own hearts and minds.

We might just be friends, but understand our bond is stronger than most people can fathom.  She knows I have her back at all times, she knows I will always be the first to offer to help her, she knows the lengths I will go to make sure she is successful and happy.  And I know she will do the same for me.  You see, real love and friendship isn't about what you can gain from one another, it is about what you can give to one another.  A true bond can never be destroyed when the bond is pure and real.  It is hard for many to grasp this concept, but believe or not friends can reach this level, most never experience it, because most never allow themselves to have the chance.

She is my dream, but more importantly she is one of the most important people in my life, and I have no shame in confessing that.  We do so much better when we handle our affairs alone between just the two of us.  The irony is, I got mad, but not at her, it had to do with her, but it wasn't her doing it was someone else's.  Truth is, she has handled herself perfectly, she has learned who I am and she understands the type of friend I am and person I am, she realizes my heart is pure and true.  And she, like myself, have learned it doesn't matter if the world understands our bond, because we know it is real and strong.

I am not ashamed to confess she makes me better, and I am not afraid to confess my goal is to give her reasons to smile everyday.  I never doubted her or lost faith in her, I never changed who I am, and low and behold she has stood by me, and she never changed who she is, and low and behold I have stood by her.  When a bond is this strong and true, the world cannot harm us because God will protect us.  I love her, but I hold back because I respect her, yes my dream is to be with her, but until that time comes, if it ever does, I will be the best friend to her that is possible.  I understand that, she understands that, and that is all that matters.  I am proud to be who God made me to be, no lies will ever sway me, you can believe any lies you choose, I will always stand with the real truth.

Just Stop

I am normally a calm person, I have a long fuse, but when I go off, believe me I will explode in ways that many never see coming.  So here is what pisses me off and makes me feel disrespected and offended on an epic level.

I have been very honest and open about my love for her, yet I have been very respectful in holding my love in when in her presence and being the best friend I can be.  However, I do have to find a way to vent or I'll implode, so I find a way through here so I don't force anything on anyone.  But still, even though I never once overstep and I do my very best to respect her relationship and be just a friend.  Everyone, but me, automatically jump to every little thing I do must be an attempt to make love happen.  It gets very old and irritating.  If I breathe wrong, I'm flirting.  If I compliment her, I'm flirting.  If I offer to help my friend, I'm flirting.  If I attempt to talk to her and just see how she is doing, I'm must be flirting.  NEWSFLASH!!!!  I'm not flirting!!!!  I've always said and been very clear, you will know when I'm flirting!!!!  So yes, it pisses me off when I make no mention about my love to anyone in person at all for her, and people still jump to conclusions and feel the need to say move on or ignore me.  Guess what!!!  If you wouldn't constantly punish me for being a friend even though you have it in your mind I'm doing more, I would be fine, we would be fine.  Don't you get it, you're creating the very problem you've been trying to prevent.

If I don't bring it up, then why the hell would you?  Think about it.  We were just now really talking again, we were doing great at being friends again, we were growing and it was amazing, I was happy again.  But you just had to start this shit again and start being paranoid and thinking I was trying to do more.  When will you learn?  I contained my love, I respect you, time after time I've proven my friendship to you, and yet you take any crumb you can get to attack me for loving you.

If you're going to be brutally honest, then start with yourself and why you keep doubting me and accusing me every chance you get.  Think about it, since we started talking again, what have I done for you.  I supported your business, I've offered to help you succeed anyway I can, I've given you positive support, and I've checked in to see how you were doing, and at times I've wanted to see you just to talk.  All those things are things any good friend would do, none of those qualify as me trying to be more, none of them.  Yet that seems to be where your minds go.  I cannot control your paranoia on that, that is something you have to learn to control yourself.  Whether its yourself thinking that, or someone else putting the idea in your head, you have to stop that.  You always talk about others being comfortable or fairness, yet you never care if its fair to me or makes me uncomfortable, why is that?

Explain to me again why I have to give up a friendship I cherish because the one I love isn't with me.  Friendship and love relationships are two different things.  But apparently you can't seem to grasp that.  This is why I get so upset when I see stuff like that, when I see people trying to pull us apart, or when out of blue you start ignoring me for no real reason.  I have been beyond loyal to you, I have stood by you through anything, I have loved you through everything, I have never doubted you, I have never looked at you in a negative light.  Yet I feel constantly judged and doubted even though I have always gone out of my way to be just a friend and hold my love back.  Maybe it isn't me that has the problem, maybe you are just determined to prove that I'm doing more even though you have never been able to prove anything but your own theories in your mind, that isn't a fact, theories in your mind are just guesses.

Have I ever made a move on you, have I ever tried to steal you, have I ever tried anything like that to make you mine. The answer is no.  Everything I've done has been as a friend, my best friend I confess, but nothing more.  I just wish for all our sakes you would start understanding that.  You keep putting me in situation where nothing I do will be right, because you've already decided in your head I am doing more.  We all are human, even you, and none of us knows what is best for each other, only God knows that, so stop pushing people towards what you think is best, when in reality you have no idea.  Just let me be the friend I am, let me be me, I love you, I've always admitted, and in the rare times we have discussed it I have never hidden that, so why would I start now....  be a friend back, thats all I've asked, friends don't ignore each other, friends don't hide from each other, friends don't doubt each other, friends don't make assumptions of each other.  Friends love each other, and want to see each other, and friends are there for each other. It really has always been that simple.  Heaven is God's temple, the world is the devil's playground... you have to learn the difference, what is God's word, and what is the world's sayings.  Not all quotes and sayings are Godly or even true.

The irony her is what set me off wasn't the woman I love, she actually has been treating me better lately and I'm happy for that and thankful.  It was something else, something that was beyond hurtful and not needed.  To everyone out there, I love her, she knows that, but together we are making progress at being friends and getting through it.  So let us do this on our own, we're both grown and we both actually do care for one another, we both know each other, and we don't need outside people swaying us in any way.  Just let us be friends and let us be happy, we got this.  I trust her, I always have.

You Don't Know Anything

Why is it everyone wants to pretend they know what will make you happy or what is best for you when they don't even understand who you are and what you feel.  It baffles me how people will say move on, when they have no idea what you feel.  I've never seen a world so quick to give up and move on to something different without even considering they might not ever find anything better than what they left behind.  In life, anything truly worth it is worth fighting for until you can no longer fight, people tell you to give up not because it is best for you but because it is easier for them.  The same people you say do for yourself first will be the first to tell you to move on so they have it easier.  Walking away and giving up or moving on are not solutions, they are cop outs.

So I will say this, and I have never been more serious, this is not a joke.  I love her, this is my final chapter no matter what, I love her that much, and I don't ask you to understand that, I just ask you to realize that is how deeply I love her.  I will die before I move on, no joke.  Telling me to let go is the biggest insult to me you can give, because it means you have no respect for who I am or for my own happiness.  How would you feel if I told you to move on from what means the most to you in life, even though you knew in your heart that moving on was the worst thing you can do.  Stop trying to pull us apart, that is the worst thing you can do if you truly care about me.  I am who I am, I am the friend who tries too hard, but understand I try too hard in everything I do in life because I don't believe you should do anything half way, I believe in  giving your best in everything you do.  I try too hard at work, I try too hard at life, I try too hard at love, I try too hard with friends, but I wouldn't have it any other way, because trying too hard is the same thing as having a truly giving heart.  It can be said Jesus tried too hard, He gave his life to those who turned Him away, and He did so out of love.  God never once said do for yourself first, not once, that is a man made rule.

Everything I do in life I do out of respect and love.  I always try to put myself in the other person's shoe before I act.  Nobody likes to be forgotten, so I always remember to make time for friends and say I love them.  Nobody wants to be a burden, so I always welcome people with a smile.  Nobody wants to feel ignored, so I always open myself to them.  You need to stop looking at my love as clingy, and start realizing that maybe my love is real.  Think about it, after all we've been through, after all the struggle and hurt I survived, after everything good and bad we've made it through, not one time did  I ever stop loving her.  So when you move on, your asking someone who has been more loyal to her than anyone else ever has to basically end their life and happiness forever.  Why is it so hard for you to grasp I don't want any other love, why do you refuse to let me be happy.  Why is everything good I do automatically interpreted as sexual motivated?  I did everything I do know even before I ever loved you?  I didn't change one bit, what changed is how you chose to receive it.  In many ways you create the problems between us this way.  All I've ever asked is to be accepted for who I am, just as I have always accepted you for who you are.

Sometimes the next chapter isn't better, sometimes the next chapter is the end.  Grass is rarely greener on the other side.  People rarely realize the impact their actions and words can have despite the old saying words can kill and destroy lives forever.  If you love someone than show it, it truly is that simple.  It never makes sense to me how people push away those who love them completely.  It just doesn't.  I want to look in your heart and think about what you are doing and saying, and then I want you to feel in your heart how you crushing my will live and what you are putting me through for your own selfish desires, think before you speak.  Is loving you so completely really a bad thing for you.  I've always said race, looks, sex, size or anything like that doesn't matter, it is a person's heart that is the true sign of who they are and how much they love you.  When a person's heart completely loves you, it has a way of finding ways to create money, dreams and success.  I never have or will stop loving you, treat me like I don't exist all you want, but I still love, put a bullet in my heart, and my dying words will be I love you, my point is my love is completely real and will never die.  Stop trying to kill my love, stop trying to kill who I am, stop trying to kill me, because how can you say you love me and care about me in any way if you keep trying to destroy what I love most and makes me happiest in life.

Round and Round

I love her, and I am eternally thankful for her.  She is the only true love of my life, and the only woman I want to spend my life with.  She does more for me than she realizes, even if she can't see it herself.  Sometimes she doesn't want to admit it, but she does love me, and has told me multiple times before.  She knows the truth is deep in her heart she truly loves me, and she knows deep in my heart I will always truly love her.  We both better each other, we both bring out the best in one another.

She is my top priority, she is more important to me than money, she is more important to me than work, she is more important to me than myself, she is more important to me than anything else.  Many women claim they want a man who hustles and love himself first, and this sounds nice and all, but what women don't realize a man who hustles will one day hustle them too and run to greener pastures in their eyes, and a man who loves himself first will always put himself before his woman, so if he has to choose between himself or them, he will always choose himself and leave her.  Sometimes women have to understand they keep finding bad men because they keep chasing the wrong things.

Love is meant to shared and giving, love is not selfish, but love is humble.  When a man truly loves a woman, he will always put her before himself, he will be willing to sacrifice and give himself to make his love happy and her dreams fulfilled.  A man will make her first priority to provide for his love and family.  A man will never complain about making his love's life a great as possible.  It should never be a burden or chore to make his love happy.  Money can be replaced, jobs can be replaced, the one you love can not be replaced.

I understand there a many fish in the sea, but there is no other fish like the one I love, and she is the only one I love and need.  Women want a man who will be loyal to them, a man who will provide for them, a man who will stay by their side for life and always be happy.  But if a man does this they see it as him throwing themselves at them, and then the women chase the exciting man who always ultimately hurts them when he feels he found something better or he gets bored.  I will never grow bored of her, because every time I see her I remember how blessed I am and how great she is.  Just because I'm willing to admit I love her completely doesn't mean I'm weak, instead it means I so strong I know I can submit to her and still hold my own.  She doesn't realize it, but she worked hard to break me, and believe me I'm one stubborn individual and one tough heart to get in, but she did it.  The thing is, one you get in my heart, I cherish you forever because you truly make me happy.  I''ve literally laid out the playbook for her to take me, and no matter what happens, no matter how much money we have or don't have, no matter where we work, no matter what life throws at us, I will love her and guarantee she is provided for and happy and loved.  I would sell everything I have just to make sure she would love a happy life with love.  These aren't just words I say, this is my very way of life.  Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and realize sometimes the one who refuses to stop loving is the one who will always be the one for you, stop running and stop doubting and finally start living in love.

Never Shaken

To the woman I love, this is what you mean to me.... I've never met anyone like you. I trust you with my life. And I feel tied to you in a way that I can't explain, but wouldn't change, ever.  And yes, I'm more than willing to say this to her face simply because it is 100% true.  You see, I've told her I love her to her face, I've told her I would never stop loving no matter what she does or says, but I've told her to her face I will always respect her first.  And if I must hold back my feelings to respect her, I will, but I will never give up on her or stop loving her.  I refuse to lie to her on this.  I have always been exactly who I say I am, I have always done exactly what I've promised I would, and I always will because I have nothing to hide from her, and even if I did I wouldn't want to.  To her I am an open book, but with that said, I am only an open book to very few people in my life, and none more than her.

You see, I believe in God's will and God's way, and God placed this love in me for her and God has left this love in me for her for a reason.  That reason is it is part of His will and His way.  It is not may place to understand that, or question that, it is simply my place to believe in His will and His way.  He never told me what will happen between us before we ultimately fulfill this love, He never told me how long it would be until it happens.  I simply accept it and believe completely in Him and the love placed in me.  This is why I cannot be shaken or broken or deterred in my love for her.  Jab at me all you want, laugh at me all day and night, doubt me until I die, in the end I don't care and it doesn't phase me one bit, in the end all you do is make yourself show your true colors.  I know deep down she loves me, and that bothers certain others, but my question to them would be why does it bother you if you trust her and believe in her?  Do you fear my love?  Do you realize my love is the real thing?  Are you insecure in your ownself and own love?  So many questions that only certain people can answer.

I am no dummy, although I will sometimes pretend to be oblivious.  I notice everything, I am a master at obtaining information, it's a gift I always have.  Just because I know something doesn't mean I let you know I know.  Information is so valuable when it isn't known you have it.  Sometimes saying nothing is stronger than anything else you can do.  I know when someone jabs at me, but I take in stride with a smile and confidence, if you have to jab at me, then I must be hitting the truth.  Patience is the true key to love, and nobody has patience like me.  In the end you always reap what you sow, maybe not in the way you imagined, but you always do.  I always do my best to sow kindness, understanding, love, forgiveness, selflessness, positivity and always put others before me.  And believe me in the grand scheme of things this is what reap through God.  Sometimes I get hurt and set back, but God always places me in a better place, it is why I fear no hate or man or even devil, because I know God will always be with me, and the moment He chooses to let me fall for the final time, I will get to go home to Him in eternal happiness.  I understand what the world says now about us, I understand where things currently are at, but I always understand everything changes in time, and God's will and way will always be done on His schedule.

So while at this time she has shackles on me, and I cannot share my feelings with her to her face out of respect for her.  Bur I always want to everytime I see her, but until she removes the shackles I will not budge, and I will honor her and respect her because I love her.  She asks for a lot, and she deserves it, and I don't mind, when you love someone as I do her, you never mind or complain about making her happy.

Way Of Life

When I care or love someone, whether it be as a person I want to spend my life with or a person I see as a close friend, I'm the type that will bend time to be there for you even when you have nothing else, even when you have everything, even when I have nothing, even when I have everything, bottom line is I will find a way to be there for you and to support you at all times, that is who I am, and that will never change about me simply because I'm proud of that part of me.  I understand I can't always expect that in return from everyone else, I understand I'm the rare breed, but that is ok because I know in my heart I treat people right and always try my best to do the right thing through actions and words.

When I feel down or negative, I seclude myself a lot, and that is because I don't want to spread any negative vibes, but I confess even I need to vent to someone at times and I do get lonely.  I have a couple great friends I know will always be there for me, and they know who they are, and I love them dearly for that and will always appreciate them and be loyal to them.  My pride and conscience often times stop me from asking for help I confess, I'm that person who will always try to find a way to fix my own problems before I ask for help, but there are times I have little choice, at least when I ask people they realize I've run out of options.

The woman I love, I love even beyond my death.  I would give her anything including the very heart in my chest and air that I breathe.  Even when I have no money, I would give her money to keep her dreams alive and to be provided for.  I'm willing to do without, if it means she can do with.  I take solace in her happiness, and knowing I helped her be happy.  She will always have my complete support and loyalty no matter what happens.  My dream is to spend my life with her by my side and a family of our own I confess, but even if we aren't together I will be there for her.  Sometimes people say to make someone realize they love you, make them experience life without you for a while.  I simply can't do that to her, it isn't who I am to turn my back on the woman I love.  I believe in her heart, mind and soul, I believe she realize how much I love her and that she loves me, and that I have been the one man who has always been there for her no matter what the circumstances.  Even when she hurt me or pushed me away, I was there, even when she loved me and spent time with me, I was there, no matter what, I am always there and always will be.  She deserves the very best in love, and that is what I offer her.

Her dreams and happiness are important to me, maybe the most important things in my life.  Her mother and daughter also mean the world to me, I can't think of a better group of people to spend time with.  They all brings smiles to my heart.  And I would do anything for any of them, and they know that.  Love is more than looks, sex, words, romance, love is a way of life.  Love is every action you take being to support the one you love, and in doing so you support yourself, give and take selflessly.  Maybe we can't do expensive dates right now, but that never mattered to me, I could actually sit on a couch and talk about life with her and it would be a wonderful date, learn to cook with her again a wonderful date, it isn't about the money or power, it's about spending real time with the one I love, that is what makes a wonderful date.  I just want her to take me, make me her's, and allow herself to be mine. I belong to her and with her, and I'm, so ready, to submit to this life with her, all she has to do grab me and take me, she already has my permission.

Wonders

There are times I wonder if people understand what they truly are asking of me, or if they truly know what they want from me.  I do everything in my power to do the right thing, act the right way, and be the best person for those I love, and many times I feel people just overlook that because they just want me to be what makes things easier for them only.

Look, I'm not blaming anyone for anything, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm simply making a broad statement from a point of view I know we've all had at one time or another.  Bottom line is this, I love her, that will never change in me, no matter who ignores me or attacks me or pushes me away, I will always love her more than life itself.  I know in my heart if given the chance by her, I can love her more than any other man out there, I know this.  I will even go as far as to say I know I am willing to do things for her that no other man will.  I'm not afraid to put everything I have including my future and life on the line for her and her dreams.  I not afraid to place my very existence in her hands and relinquishes all control to her if needed.  Most men would never completely give themselves up to anyone, I'm not most men, I'm strong enough to know if I love someone completely, then I will trust them completely all the way until my death.  Many say this, I live this.

I sometimes wonder what she really expects from me.  I love her completely, and she knows it.  Deep down she loves me, and she knows it, even if she tries to hide it.  Yet I'm willing to hold my love back and be her friend because I want her to be happy, and I respect her, I choose to never openly overstep as long as there is someone else no matter how I feel.  She and I have never been an item, as far as I know we've never even dated, I don't think we ever got to that point because had we I would have acted differently.  And sometimes I feel in her eyes she thinks we dated, but in my eyes we never did.  I always thought we went out as friends, if I thought we were dating I would have made more moves in certain areas.  And that's my problem, in my eyes we never gave our love a real chance, and in my heart there is no greater love than my love for her.  She can't expect me to stop loving her and still be happy, the type of love I have for her is far to real for that.  It's hard enough on me to do right and hold back and be the friend I know I want and need to be for her, but asking me to forget I love her is way too much to expect.

I keep our talks casual on purposes, I make sure I include her in every decision between us because I don't want her uncomfortable.  I take every precaution I can to make sure I show her respect.  And yet, somehow she still pushes me away and ignores me.  I love her, I never want her to fail, I never want her to do without, and yes my dream is to be her husband, but that being said, I would never force her into that.  When will she understand if I can't have her as my love, I need her right now as my close friend.  I could understand if I was trying to get with her openly and grabbing her and such, but I don't, in fact I do the opposite.  I even hold my compliments on how beautiful she is, because heaven forbid someone take it the wrong way and go crazy.

What happened to simply kindness among friends, when did people start reading so much into every little thing said?  I'll be blunt, I need her in my life, she balances me whether it is as my love or my friend.  And I will always protect her and be there for her no matter what, and if needed I will make sure she is treated right by anyone around.  Just because I love her and it is my dream to be with her, doesn't mean I would hurt her to make that happen.  I'm not that kind of man, I believe God let's things happen and true love finds a way.  And I truly love her, and I believe God knows that.  There is not a bone in my body that doubts my love for her.

Don't hate me because I love you, and before you say you don't, think about it, you push away things that you don't like.  So when you push me away or ignore me knowing how much you mean to me, that is the message you send.  Anyone that loves you, should love you and anyone else in your life that truly has your back.  I would never try to divide you from anyone who is there for you no matter what, because I love seeing you happy.  Jealousy is what makes people pull you away from those you love, jealousy is caused by insecurity and lack of trust in those they love, jealousy comes when someone realizes they can't give what someone else is willing to.  I'm not jealous of anyone, all I ask is to be able to freely spend time and talk to the one love, even if its as a friend.  She and I both know me very well, she knows I would never try to be with her unless she was single, and she knows I will always let her relationships play out no matter what, and she knows I will always love her and wait for her.

I'm one of the few guys alive who has not been corrupted by today's world.  I don't see anyone as property, especially the one I love, I respect all, and I see us all as equals, and when I love someone completely, I am loyal to them forever, and they are my only love.  I know this won't sound right, but I would rather die, than face life not being able to spend time with her and talk with her in any way.  Sometimes good people say they're a friend and truly understand they are only a friend right now, and while they may confess they want more and love more, they understand where life is at right now.  I don't know what the future holds, people die and are born every day, life changes constantly.  Relationships die and start, divorces and marriages happen constantly, everything changes.  So who knows, 5, 10, 20 years could pass, and I would still love her and want to be with her for life.

If the one reason you hate me is because I love her, then I'm proud to know you hate me, because I'm proud to love her.  She never gave me the chance to show her, and be her's, but if she ever does I promise I will be the only man and last man she will ever need to be happy forever.  I ask myself do I love her enough to give her everything I have, everything I am, am I willing to allow myself to be her's, and my answer is yes.  And I have always shown her that, if she thinks back, she will realize I have always put her first in my life, and I have never let her down.  I'm willing no other man is willing to completely give himself up to her like this.  God loved this world so much, that he gave Himself up completely for us, and He allowed Himself to become our's.  That is pure love, giving yourself up, and that is how I love her.  Loving yourself first isn't true love, you have to learn to love who you love before yourself or things will never be completely at peace.  Because if you put them first, and they put you first, than you're both covered completely.  Love isn't about doing for yourself, love is about giving yourself.

One day I know things will play out, people will show there true colors, I know.  What is unfortunate people will get hurt I know.  But the thing is I've already shown my true colors because I don't hide them, my colors are my love for her, and this color will never die.  She isn't just a woman to me, she isn't just a love, she isn't just a sexy body, she is everything worth living for to me.  I don't know why I must struggle like I do in life like this, why God allows me to love her and not be with her, but He placed this love in me, and He has not removed it at all, so I know in His plan somehow this will find a way and all this struggle for me will be worth it.  I love her, and you can hurt me, make me sad, ignore me, attack me or whatever, but you'll never stop me from loving her unless you kill me.  All I would ask her to do is step back, and think about how loyal I have been to her, and think about what I've been through with her and how I still love her, and think is there anyone else out there who would have stuck with her like this as I have.  Now think, isn't my love worth a chance.

Go All In

It's been a strange last few days to say the least, certain things happening or not happening that make me wonder or confused.  But over time with her I've learned never read too much into anything or silence, because with her, she just sometimes keeps to yourself for a few days for her own reasons, and I've learned to accept that and let her have that and not worry about it.  Because deep down I know she loves me and will get to me when she is ready, I just have to be a patient man and friend.

Its tough, because I like to talk to her a lot, and its hard for me to step back sometimes because I get addicted to how she makes me so happy.  I truly love her and being with her, it truly is happiness on earth.  Sometimes people get scared when you think so highly of them, they're afraid they can't live up to it, but in my eyes she already does and more, I know she isn't perfect and I know she will have bad moments, but to me she will always be high up in my eyes.  People will disappoint you always, but you can either be upset with it or realize they're human too and work with them to improve it.  I choose to realize she is human and try to make it better.

There is a reason I write things here and don't say them in public to her, I do so because I try not to cause problems and at the same time I can vent a bit.  What people do with information and such is beyond my control.  And that is the simple truth.  I fight for peace, I fight for equality, I fight for everyone, that is the only way to true peace, and trust me it is far from easy to do.  Fighting for right without hate in you is incredibly hard yet amazingly noble.  These last few times I've seen her have brought me happiness, and all we do is small talk, yes I would love to have some real deep conversations, but any time with her is amazing to me.  I hear all the time men complaining their is asking for too much and is never happy, but I say to all men, if you love her than you should be willing to give her all of you and everything without resentment, if you're going to love for life, then at least go all in.

So Much

I love her, and I have always let my actions do my talking for me.  I'm a giver by trait, and I always give her everything I have, and to me that makes me happy knowing I helped her be happy and successful.  It's hard to put into words how much and why love her, I'm willing to give her everything and more that I can for no other than I love her.

I'm completely committed to her, I can give unwavering loyalty, never ending support, complete trust, all of my heart and soul.  The very idea of having a family and conquering our dreams together for the rest of our lives is pure bliss to me.  She is never a burden, instead she has always been a blessing.  My love is unconditional, I have never looked at her and doubted my love.  Even on her worst days, she makes it one of my best days.  I truly appreciate her, and I realize how much better my life is with her, and it makes me want to make her life better every chance I get.

Many others will post witty remarks and say the right things, but I'd much rather just do the right thing with her, and simply show her the depth of my love.  I know she says she hates being spoiled, but deep down I know she loves it, and I enjoy spoiling her.  In many ways, as far as I'm concerned, I belong to her, and in a way thats as real as love can be, giving yourself completely to someone and be completely at peace with it.  How many other people can honestly tell her that and truly mean it? 

I see her, and I see happiness, I see my world.  Waking up next to her every morning would be the greatest life ever.  I'm pretty sure she'll push me, and I know she'll test me, and I love her for it.  I may come out with a few bruises here and there, but I know she loves me and I can take it.  Deep down, I truly do understand her, and sometimes I know she just wants to know the one she loves will be there and listen to her, and not be afraid to hold her hand and jump in the fire with her, and that is who I am. 

I wish we could run away together with our little family, and start anew, and I know at first it would scary and hard, but I know we could do it, sounds crazy I know, but sometimes you just need a fresh start and you just got to take risk.  I know right now that isn't realistic, but you would be a fun journey.  I'm so ready for her and I to be one, and I know if we get together like that we would be risking a wonderful friendship, and that is scary, but at the same time we could be walking into the greatest love in our lives and eternal happiness.  So risk a friendship or risk the greatest love ever, I know what I would choose.  Bottom line, I know I can give her and do for her what no other man can, and the simple reason is I completely her and am willing to her all of me, and I mean all of me no exceptions.  Most men can't do that for any woman because most men aren't secure in their love or themselves.  When a man knows he has found the love of his life he completely commits to them and only them, and that is how I feel about her.  I just need her to make her move on me, one date and one kiss initiated by her would be all the sign I need.  I love her, I keep saying that, and it is so true.  I've never been more sure about anything in my life, this love, it is beyond words, and it is something I have never felt before,  I just want to hold her forever and get lost in her for eternity.  God I love her.

Be Happy

There are a lot of people who are selfish in this world, a lot of people who don't care who they have to crush just to get what they want, and there are times I wish I could be more like them honestly.  But the problem is I never will be like them, because if I was like them, then I would be losing who I really truly am.  I am comfortable with who I am, I am giving and generous, I place those I love before myself, I do things because I feel they are the right thing to do, and not because it benefits me.  I love completely, I give without needing anything in return.  And yes, I get hurt, I get disappointed, I get taken advantage of, but that one person who sees me for me and truly cares about me and appreciates me, that one person truly makes the rest of the world meaningless.

Really I have two people in my life who I know appreciate me completely, and the rest of world can overlook me or toss me to the side and I don't care.  I have two people who love me completely and they are my closest friends, and honestly that is all the approval I need.  One is the love of my life, the other is my closest and most trusted friend, and both are a big part of my life and what I'm about.  My life isn't perfect, the woman I love isn't with me yet, but in time I know love will find a way, I'm still looking for a job, but things are coming together, and maybe this isn't where I wanted to be at my age, but I know I'm on the right track.

When you love someone, they are all you need to be happy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, as long as they love you.  I saw the woman I love today, and chatted with her, and all I could think about was how amazing and wonderful she is.  I know deep down that right now she is scared and she is afraid to fail, but what I see in her is hard work and determination, I she a woman who is destined to succeed, as woman who should fearless.  She is amazing, and mark my words she will be successful, even if I die helping her get there. 

I see her, and I see the woman I want a family with, the woman I want a home with, the woman I want to build our dreams together with.  I don't connect with people a lot, I trust very few, but with her I'm at ease, I feel connected, I feel like we're together in our thoughts, and together we always make things happen.  I want to grow old with her, and even at the end of our lives love like we just met.  I want to show her the world and my heart.  I want to get lost in her forever.  I wish we could make time stand still.  I'm afraid of anything or anyone when I'm with her, I love her so much.  I know what must happen for us to be together, and I know there would be those who wouldn't be happy for us, but I also know our love is real and that we would be completely and truly happy for life because we truly love each other all the way through, and I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as we love one another.  Haters will always try to pull us apart, those who feel threatened will always try to put a wedge between us, but understand that only proves more how real our love is, and I promise you nobody and nothing will ever convince me to ever stop loving her and I will never walk away from her.  I don't just say the right things, I actually follow through and do them to.

It could be my last day on earth and I could be about to lose everything, but if I had her and we were together, I would be happy and worry free.  You haven't truly loved someone until you find someone who completes you, and always makes you happy and at peace no matter if times are good or bad.  So to her I thank you, thank you for being you, thank you for stealing my heart, thank you for being the only one I love, thank you for completing, and most of all thank you for being you and letting me be me, and thank you for blessing me with the honor to help you be happy.  Sometimes true happiness is right in front of us, and sometimes we fight it, but if we simply let everything else go and trust in it, God has a way of working things out.  I offer happiness, I offer loyalty, I offer unconditional love, I offer honesty, I offer all of me, I love you, this is no joke, all I need in life is you, believe me it's true.  I love you, and everything about you, and everything that comes with you, I love your past, present and future, I know more then you realize, but I love you.  Let's be happy.  I won't force you to love me, but I will fight like hell to stay in your life and keep you in mine because I truly love you.  I'm not weak because I can't walk away, I'm strong because no matter what happens I refuse to give up on you.

Staying

I love her, she is my world, she is my everything.  And no matter what happens in life or between us, I will never leave her or abandon her.  I'm the one who fights to keep her in my life, I'm the one who fights to stay a part of her life.  I fight for my love, I fight for her, I fight for us.  My love for her is strong, it is ever growing, it is unconditional, it is eternal.

One day she'll truly grasp how rare and true my love is for her, and one day I know we will have our chance.  I don't know when or how, I just believe it will.  I've had the pleasure of having a couple decent conversations with her the past few weeks, and we haven't talked about anything serious really, but she needs to realize those have been the happiest moments I've had in a long time.  I look forward every week to having a chance to talk with her and see her, when you love someone like I do her, its not what you do that is important, its the time you get to spend together doing anything that makes you happy.

She has my full support in all she does, I wish I could make a living just being there for her and helping her honestly, I love her so much.  She is always on my mind and in my dreams.  She is a queen, and I love her every second for who she is and her dreams.  I love her.  I'm ready to take on the world with her, with us together in love, all she has to do and make her move on me.

In Truth

Those who truly know me, know that I have one of the biggest hearts out there, and they know I never try to hurt anyone simply because I never believe that is right.  However, even though I try hard to word things as positive and constructive as possible, I am a very honest and open person.  I simply call it as I see it, and I might not always be right, but often times I'm very close to the mark.  You see, I don't be honest to cause problems or stir the pot, no, I do it because I believe in order to find real peace and solutions in life you have to pull back the curtains and really see the truth for what it is.

I encourage growth and positive change in everyone, even myself, and sometimes what I say might rub someone the wrong way unintentionally, but understand I do so with the best intentions.  I'm very protective of those I love, and I know my weaknesses and flaws all too well.  I'm beyond loyal to a fault of the one's I love.  Doing for those I love, is how I do for myself.  Just because you can't wrap your head around how I tick or how my happiness works, doesn't mean it isn't real.

With me, there is only way to truly hurt me and possible break me.  You can take from me all you want, I can lose my job, I can lose my money, I can lose all my belongings, I can even lose my health, and I will find a way to survive and be happy.  But my achilles heel in life, is the one's I love, I can't lose them and be happy, they are my happiness, they are in many ways my reasons for life.

Some people get happiness from taking everything for themselves, but in the end when they have taken everything they feel empty and many times alone, they are left with nothing else to chase and keep them going.  Other people, like myself, find their happiness in doing for others, it brings them joy to bring happiness to those the love, and these people may never have all the fame and riches of the world, but we never lose happiness as there is always someone we love to do for.

When I love someone, their dream becomes my dream, my dream is to see and help them achieve their dream, that is my true happiness.  I love her, and there nothing I would not do for her, and I will wait for her forever if I must.  I'm wise enough to know her life is her own, and her choices are her own as well, even though I truly believe she and I are meant to be for one another, I have to trust her and my love and God enough, to let things play out as they must.  In the end, and in time, the truth always reveals itself, and people's true colors always come out.  When that time comes, she knows no matter what we've been through, I will be standing right there to help her and love her forever.  There is nothing in this world that can ever make me stop believing in her and loving her and wanting to be with her, she is on of a kind, she truly is priceless and only deserves to be treated like the true queen that she is.  She cannot be broken, and those that try will always shatter when they hit reality.  When you love someone, as I do her, they should be your number one priority even before yourself, because reality is for love to be perfect if you put them first in your life, and they truly love you back, then you will be first in their life, and in the end you both are still covered.  Too many people are out for just themselves, and it sounds so good and so ambitious to do that, but in the end it always leads to loneliness because while you were focused own just yourself, you let the rest of the world around you fall apart and disappear.  God was selfless, and we are to live in his example, remember that.

Look Up

I love her, and only her, and I never will give up on her or my dream to be with her.  You have to realize, I love her completely, and until we take the risk and give our love a real chance, I will always pursue her.  Look, while I truly believe if we ever try and give our love a chance that we will both be happy together for life and love happily in love, and truly believe this, but I can't predict the future, ultimately we could fail, even despite our best efforts.  Now personally choose to see life and love as half full, I look for the positives.

And I believe our love is more than enough to bring us eternal happiness, I really do.  But I'm not giving up on my love for her without trying first.  That is what I ask people to understand.  I love her, and I desire to find out myself the hard way if we can be or not.  I feel she thinks I expect certain things from her that she feels she might not have yet, but the truth is I love her for exactly who she is and what she is striving to become.  We're actually on the same journey in many ways, sometimes we choose different paths, but our paths always end up crossing over and over again.

I truly feel God is doing His best to bring us together somehow, I just feel that way.  I'm not going to lie to her, I'm not going to pretend I don't need her, I'm not going to promise something I don't intend to deliver, I love her so much that I want to be honest and real with her.  I don't care who knows my love for her, the whole world can know or it can just be between us, it doesn't matter to me as long as we're in love together.

What good are we really doing by refusing to give our love a chance?  Think of the happiness would have together, think of the love we could share.  Have you ever met a man who loves you as truly as I do, a man who is willing to stand with you and support you and build with you as consistently as me.  Do you not know that I do this out of love, and loving you makes me happy, spending time with you is my dream.  Holding you is the happiest place I can be.  I don't get scared, I don't let struggles slow me down, I always hold my head high, and I'm never ashamed of loving her.  Her mind and heart are great, I welcome her thoughts and emotions, I love her and everything that comes with her.  Give our love chance, let me prove to you we can be, let me be happy with you and do my best to help you be happy too.  You mean everything to me, and that is a great thing.  Try my love, and you will see what real love can be, this I promise you.

Understand

I love her.  And she is my one and only love, and that is all I need to be happy.  Love is thrown around so often, people think they know it and feel it.  But love, true love can only be given to one person in your life completely.  When you love someone so much that nobody else can touch your heart, then you know real love.  There are many women in this world, and I could easily turn to someone else, but I couldn't love them, because I completely love her.

God intended true love to be special and unique to between two people, when God created Adam and Eve He was showing us what true love is meant to be in our lives.  If you love someone enough to give them your heart and only give it to them, then understand when they give you their heart you should only hold their heart and nobody else.  There can be different levels of love of course, although love isn't the right word really.  But true love is for one person in your life.  When you try to give love to multiple people you dilute who you are and your love.  You lessen your commitment to your partner.  I'm not saying having friends and family dilute it, no what I speak of is loving more than one person on a deeper level does.

Understand I have my head on straight and my mind is clear.  I have lost everything and more in my life a few times, and yet I'm still surviving, so nothing will make me run in life, not even death.  I know I love her, and she is my life, and there is nothing I wouldn't do to show her my love.  I see her succeeding in life, achieving her dream of one day having her own restaurant, and all I want to do is help her succeed.  I know deep down right now this is taking a lot of her effort and time to succeed, and maybe she doesn't have a lot of time for love, but with me that is ok.  I feel I love her so much, that I would love spending time with her helping her succeed.  To me that is love, if the one you love is sacrificing something to make their dreams a reality, then you should be willing to stand by them and sacrifice the same.

I do not waver in love or God's commands in the Word.  Albeit when Jesus died on the cross, as Paul said in the New Testament, many of the Old Testament laws were forgiven through the blood Jesus.  But nevertheless we should strive to follow God's will.  So, love is meant for two people who are committed to one another and nobody else, if you cheat, then you've tainted your love, even if you keep it a secret, in time all secrets are revealed, God sees all.  It is funny to me how people try to justify certain things when it comes to love, but no matter the spin you try to put on it, in the end if you truly believe God's word, as I do, then it is very what love is and His commandments are.  I love you, I want to spend my life with you, and right now I don't how it will happen, but we will succeed and achieve our dreams together, I have faith in us, unwavering faith.  No matter how low life gets or high we fly, my love for you will never change or die, let us hold each other and give one another all our love and let go of what is pulling us back, let's trust God and love to see us through to happiness.

Cold Hard Truth

In life we all screw up and no matter how hard we try not to, we all end up hurting someone sooner or later.  The things that separates good people from bad people is simple, a good person never acts like it was ok to hurt someone for their on personal gain, a good person makes things right, a good person realizes they made a mistake in hurting someone.  A bad person sees no harm in hurting people as long as it benefited them properly, a bad person sees it as a circumstance that happen to be, a bad person sees it as they did nothing wrong as it was simply necessary.  Understand even as a good or bad person, mistakes will happen, you will mess up and hurt someone, but what defines you is the what you do afterwards.

Man up, take charge of your mistakes and make them right, don't take the easy way and shrug them off since they don't bother you, because what you fail to realize is it might not bother you but it does bother the one you hurt still.  If you don't do what is right and make things right, karma has a way of forcing you to.  Sure you can get what you want faster by running over people and crushing anyone in sight, but success by those methods only lead to painful short term results.  Doing things the right way might not be popular and it might take a bit longer, but as a result you you success will last much longer and you will appreciate it much more.

I go out of my way to be the good person, I forgive all, and I confess I am not perfect.  I make mistakes, I've made bad choices and hurt people at times, but I make that extra effort to make things right whether its asked for or not.  When I doe and face God, I want to make sure I did everything in my power to atone for any mistakes I made, I want to make sure I treated people the right way, I want to make sure I loved the right way.  While I may not be perfect, it doesn't stop me from trying to be the best I can be.

The phrase "it happens" or "it couldn't be helped" always bother me, because reality is everything happens because of the choices we make, therefore anything can be avoided ultimately, sometimes people don't want to admit they allowed things to happen.  I love her, and this is why I am always open and honest with her, I she who she is and what she can become, she still has room to grow and while she hasn't reached full potential, I take notice that she is doing everything she can to get there.  I personally realize there will be setbacks in life for myself and herself and really all of us.  its real easy to tell someone you would do things different if you were them, but the truth is we don't know that because we haven't walked in their shoes.

I hate mean you treat women like property or that they should be dependent on them.  Women are strong individuals, and they are equal to men in every way.  Some men need to swallow their pride and realize you get what you give in love.  If you want more, give more.  A man should be just as thankful for the woman he loves as he expects her to be for him.  I personally think a man who thinks he is better than a woman are less of a man, that that man is truly insecure.  I for one am not afraid to show the world who I am, I am not afraid to open my heart and say who I love and why, I don't think being emotionless makes me stronger, in fact hiding my heart makes one weaker.  Don't be ashamed of who you are or who you love.  Fuck your image, what matters is reality and who you are and who you love.  Get over yourself, we are all equal, you can die tomorrow just as anyone else can, you bleed just like anyone else, you fuck up just like anyone else, it is time men realized this.

Don't give me this bullshit "she got what she had coming", because I'll tell you right now, if I hear that, I will make damn sure you get what you have coming for being so arrogant.  Power does not lie in the fist, power comes from within it comes from three places, the heart, the mind and the soul.  I love her, and I love her for who she is, and understand this, I will personally make sure no matter what happens she is treated right, her dreams will come true, and she will be happy.  She knows I'm the real deal, and there is nothing you can do to ever change that about me.  I am unbreakable in my love for her.  I love her, and all she has to do is believe in my love and herself, and claim me.  When I see or hear a man talk big about how who treats woman badly or make them respect him all I can do is laugh at how weak that man truly looks to me and this world, I pity there simple minds and fragile hearts, I pity the day when God truly opens their eyes, and when that day comes I want them to ask themselves was it worth it, was it worth your entire life.

Faith

I've been thinking about her a lot the past few days even though I haven't written anything.  I keep thinking about how much I want her by my side right now, and how much I want to be there by her side.  She means so much to me, and her recent support for me has meant the world.  I also see her trying so hard to make her dream as successful as possible, and quite honestly I have no doubts she will be a complete success.  I believe in her, and I believe whatever she puts her mind to she will succeed.

I love her so much, and so so dearly.  I just need her right now, and really I need her forever.  She is my rock, she is my soul.  And it bothers me when others look down on her or talk bad about her, because I completely believe in her.  I don't just say positive things to her to just say them, I truly believe the positive things I tell her are truth.

I wish every day that it'll be the day she comes and claims me.  The day we can start are lives together.  I know we can and will be happy for all our lives.  I'm all in on her, and only her.  I love her, and all she has to do is believe in herself enough to know she and I can be in true love and be successful for life.  We can do this, I know it, I can feel it, God has give me peace about it.  I have faith in her and our love, I truly do.