Nobody will most likely read this, and what few people often realize is I don't share my deepest fears or problems or concerns with anyone. The ones I do share, are the ones that don't worry me as much. I'm very deep individual, who often understands things and see things a bit more clearly than others, and many times that can be more of a curse than a blessing. This is why I get involved with some things when I do, or why I remove myself from things when I do, I see what is coming and I know what I have to do, whether I like it or not.
I recently stepped away from people I seriously thought of as family, I would of, and might still now, laid my life down to hold them up. In my world, they were the most important aspect in it. I had to remove myself, because I didn't want to hurt those I love, and I felt myself slipping away. You see, I fell deeply in love with one, and its been no secret, and right they are with someone else. I don't think she truly grasp how much I love her, and how much I was willing to go for her. And while her mother is my best friend, and I love her family more than anything, when I see the one I love with someone else it devastates me, because my heart wants nothing but her love in return.
Sad thing is, whenever I see any of the family, the first place my mind and heart go is to the one I love and miss. And I used to be able to turn to my best friend to keep me level, to keep me for losing myself, and losing my battle to keep life going. I felt myself slipping to that dark place where nobody returns every moment I missed her. After a while I couldn't go to my best friends anymore, because to her it wasn't important, it was just drama in her eyes, but what she failed to realize it was everything to me, and is literally killing me. You see, no matter what they're problem was, no matter if it affected me or not, or if I cared or not, I was willing to listen and help, because to me thats what friends do, no problem is too small or too big for me to be there. And I just felt my friends were no longer being there for me, if it was something they didn't care about.
I pray all the time, and I love her. I see where things are going, but I have to trust God to play things out. When I stepped away, I crushed myself more than they ever realize, I walked away from everything I loved. But I truly felt it was the right thing to do, even if I didn't want to. There are times, I wonder if I'd be better off not waking up, but I know that isn't true. So I fight, I've always been there for there, I checked on them everyday, I offered to come by to help everyday, I gave them my time and all of me each and every time they asked, my love truly is neverending and unconditional.
I love her until my last breath, even after the pain I've endured. You see, she is worth it, nothing truly valuable in life comes without pain, and the greater the sacrifice the greater the blessing. What I can give her, what I'm willing to give her, is more than anyone else ever can, because in the end there is nothing I would ever hold from her, and there is nobody I would be afraid to stand against for her. And seeing her happy, making her happy, truly is what makes me happy, and that is love. Every moment I know she pushes me away is crushing me, but the moments I get to spend with her truly are the greatest moments of my life. And I'm not above admitting that, I don't have to act tough or like I don't care, because I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit I love her more than anyone or anything else to ever exist. And I love her family more than the world. Sometimes, God places people in our lives and we don't realize how great they are until we push them away, and believe me, I'm a great individual who truly loves her and wants nothing but the best for her. In time, God will reveal all, in time God's plan always happens, I'm ready, because I know my heart and I know my love is pure and true.
I recently stepped away from people I seriously thought of as family, I would of, and might still now, laid my life down to hold them up. In my world, they were the most important aspect in it. I had to remove myself, because I didn't want to hurt those I love, and I felt myself slipping away. You see, I fell deeply in love with one, and its been no secret, and right they are with someone else. I don't think she truly grasp how much I love her, and how much I was willing to go for her. And while her mother is my best friend, and I love her family more than anything, when I see the one I love with someone else it devastates me, because my heart wants nothing but her love in return.
Sad thing is, whenever I see any of the family, the first place my mind and heart go is to the one I love and miss. And I used to be able to turn to my best friend to keep me level, to keep me for losing myself, and losing my battle to keep life going. I felt myself slipping to that dark place where nobody returns every moment I missed her. After a while I couldn't go to my best friends anymore, because to her it wasn't important, it was just drama in her eyes, but what she failed to realize it was everything to me, and is literally killing me. You see, no matter what they're problem was, no matter if it affected me or not, or if I cared or not, I was willing to listen and help, because to me thats what friends do, no problem is too small or too big for me to be there. And I just felt my friends were no longer being there for me, if it was something they didn't care about.
I pray all the time, and I love her. I see where things are going, but I have to trust God to play things out. When I stepped away, I crushed myself more than they ever realize, I walked away from everything I loved. But I truly felt it was the right thing to do, even if I didn't want to. There are times, I wonder if I'd be better off not waking up, but I know that isn't true. So I fight, I've always been there for there, I checked on them everyday, I offered to come by to help everyday, I gave them my time and all of me each and every time they asked, my love truly is neverending and unconditional.
I love her until my last breath, even after the pain I've endured. You see, she is worth it, nothing truly valuable in life comes without pain, and the greater the sacrifice the greater the blessing. What I can give her, what I'm willing to give her, is more than anyone else ever can, because in the end there is nothing I would ever hold from her, and there is nobody I would be afraid to stand against for her. And seeing her happy, making her happy, truly is what makes me happy, and that is love. Every moment I know she pushes me away is crushing me, but the moments I get to spend with her truly are the greatest moments of my life. And I'm not above admitting that, I don't have to act tough or like I don't care, because I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit I love her more than anyone or anything else to ever exist. And I love her family more than the world. Sometimes, God places people in our lives and we don't realize how great they are until we push them away, and believe me, I'm a great individual who truly loves her and wants nothing but the best for her. In time, God will reveal all, in time God's plan always happens, I'm ready, because I know my heart and I know my love is pure and true.
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