Sunday, April 26, 2015

Reality

I'm not a perfect man, this is not a perfect world, and I'm fully aware of these things.  I try to keep things in perspective, I try to keep the realistic outlook on life, the ability to stay positive and believe in yourself, yet still have that extra edge of knowing this world is no saint.Being too positive can be just as destructive as being to negative.  Many people fail to realize these things.  A fake smile doesn't mean real happiness, but it can make others feel more at ease I admit.

I often hear stay positive and smile, and everything will work out.  I wish the world work like that, the reality is, yes things will work out, but they don't always work out into a happy ending.  Yes, God provides and blesses us, and He is a merciful God.  However, God is very open in His word that He will test us as well.  There will be times we pass, and times we fail, because quite simply none of us our perfect, and God knows this.

I am thankful for everything in my life I am blessed with good or bad, but it is not a sin to strive for more and love for something we know we need.  You can be thankful, and still have an empty feeling.  Reality is we all have that empty feeling for someone or something, its human nature.  Its bigger to some than others.  Me, my hole is love, everything else in my life is just fine for me.  I got the money I need, I got a place to live, a job, a family, and friends, but someone to love and share my life with is my hole.

And I'm very selective who I love, but when  love them, they are my everything.  I love God, but I can't marry God, I can't have kids with God, I can do these things through God, but not with God, and thats the difference.  Right now, my heart is with one person I just can't seem to let go, they just don't know how deeply I felt for them, and what all I was ready to give them, and I don't know when or if I'll ever move on.  The thing is I know I'm a catch, but I don't want to just give myself to anyone, I want to gibe myself to the one I love, and the one that in my eyes, is just as much of a catch to me.

I'm weird like that, I could care less what anyone else thinks of my love or the one I love, what matters to me is I love them and they love me.  I'll handle the rest of the world as long as we're together.  I have more power then many think, and I actually have a lot of plans going right now that are moving along nicely, many things are coming together, and what few realize is I'm slowly in a position to make dreams a reality, big things are happening right beneath everyone's noses with me.  Patience is a wondrous thing.

And if I must do things alone, so be it.  But I truly would love to have those I love with me.  Because to me, a dream or happiness is worthless without being able to share it with the one's you love.  Thats all I've ever asked, love me as I love you, when it comes to friends or family or anything, thats all I've ever asked.  If you miss me, come get me, because if I miss you, I will try and come get you.  Sometimes I walk away, just to see if you miss me and love me, and few people realize there actions tell all the stories I need to know.

I'm still here, I'm still alive, and I still love you, and I'm always the real deal.  I may not always make choices that make you happy, but I promise I will always try to make the right choices for the moments I'm placed in.

I always look forward, and I always try to think of what others might feel.  Don't ask my opinion unless you want the truth, I just believe its best that way.  What few people realize, is I'm harder on myself, than I am on anyone else, and I tend to be harder on those I love simply because they matter to me, and I want them to be the very best at everything they do.  When I don't push you to be better, thats when you know I no longer care.  I might be hard to figure out, but once you do and realize how true my intentions are, you'll realize I truly am an amazing individual who strives to make this world and everyone around me a better place, even if I have give up a little bit of myself to do so.

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