Battle Scars

The wound heals but it never does
That's 'cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle

Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruins wooing me
Arrow holes that never close from cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid 'cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up and you know that you should know
And let her go but the fear of the unknown
Holding another lover strong sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter on the front line with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a song
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone

I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
'Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
'Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over


These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change

These battle

(And just leave then)
You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming, "Medic!"
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests
Don't properly work, that's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine is to probably just let her win

I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop 'cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
'Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over


These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change

These battle

'Cause you've set me on fire
I've never felt so alive, yeah

Hoping wounds heal, but it never does
That's because you're at war with love

And I'm at the point of breaking
And it's impossible to shake it

See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's 'cause you're at war with love
Hope it heals, but it never does
That's 'cause you're at war with love!


These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change

These battle

Right Reasons

Why was it so hard to lose the one I love more than anyone or anything else to ever exist?  Simple, its because I loved you for all the right reasons.  Thats right, you see maybe we weren't an ideal couple, maybe 99% percent of the scenarios ends badly for us, but I love you so much and so true, that I didn't care about the 99%, I believed in the 1% chance we would last forever.  I love you so much, I felt no matter what hardships we endured together, that you were more than worth it.  To me you much more than a pretty face, I love the good and bad in you.  You just never understood that.

You think because I love you so much and true, that I fall in love easily, but thats not true.  I don't fall in love often.  Its hard for me to get to that level of feelings with me.  When I fall, I fall hard, but I almost never fall.  And the truth is, I see other women all the time I'm attracted to, but I don't want or need them, I only love you.  To me anyone else is settling for less, because I love you that much.

Most men are afraid to admit they love a woman as much as they do, I'm not most men.  I'm confident in my love and feelings, its who I am.  And I've never been afraid to show it.  I'm secure in where my love is placed.  You were my top priority, if you called I dropped all other plans to be with you, seriously thats how it was.  You were important to me, the most important aspect of me and my life.

Right or wrong, I didn't care, because right or wrong I love you.  My hardest thing to accept is you never gave us a chance, and I truly believe if you had, I would have surprised you, and we would have been happy and together forever.  I just wanted you to give us that chance, but you never did.  I was your's and you didnst realize it, you had me, and I was ok with that.  I don't mind being your's, it made me happy.

There were times I would wish you would randomly stop by my place and surprise me, but I knew you never would.  Many times I just wanted you to take the step to reach out to me, rather than me always having to reach out first.  I just simply wanted you to try with us, I wanted you to love me like I love you.  But you never did any of that.  I wish you could grasp how important you were to me, even if you didn't see it, it was true.  The very few times you invited me over to just sit with you and chat or watch tv, those moments lit my world up, those simple moments made me the happiest I've been.  With me, it those little things that made me feel happy and loved. 

With me, love isn't about money, looks, sex, no love is about willing to do for one another, willing to forgive, willing to love no matter what.  Looks fade, money disappears, sex dwindles, but who we are and how we love lives forever.  So yeah, I loved you for all the right reasons, and even now I still love you, I still want you, I still need you, but I can't keep being the one trying alone, its time you made the move to get me, I'm serious, I'm not coming back to you until you come get me.  And thats just how it is now.  But yes, I still love and miss the hell out of you, and thats just the truth.

Everything

When I'm around you, everything is perfect.  You bring me peace, you give me stability, and give me hope.  When you're near, nobody else and nothing else matter to me, when you're with me I fear no one and nothing.  It doesn't need explaining, because its just simply true.  You can do nothing when you're with me, yet it means everything to me that you're there.  You complete me, you always have.  I'm willing to give you everything, help you achieve anything, even though I know you don't need anybody's help, I want to help because you matter to me.  In my eyes, you are perfect, in my eyes we are equal, in my eyes you are everything.  I know I'm a catch and I'm valuable, but I also know you are too.  This is how I know I love you, and to me, you are worth the fight.  You truly are the first thought I have in the morning, the last thought I have before I fall asleep, and every thought in between, and every dream I forget.

Even though I miss you, and truly want to reach out to you every second I live, I have to let things play out.  I have to love myself enough, to let you come after me.  And yes, thats scary, but I love you, and I truly believe God will let things play out.  I don't how, when or why, but its not my job to know that, its my job to let God's plan work.

So when you wonder why I love you or how much I love you, now you know.  You do more for me than you ever realize, sometimes not even you are aware of how much your presence in my life means to me.  All I've wanted in return is for you to love me as I love you, and simply be there unconditionally.  Its always been that simple and true.

Reality

I'm not a perfect man, this is not a perfect world, and I'm fully aware of these things.  I try to keep things in perspective, I try to keep the realistic outlook on life, the ability to stay positive and believe in yourself, yet still have that extra edge of knowing this world is no saint.Being too positive can be just as destructive as being to negative.  Many people fail to realize these things.  A fake smile doesn't mean real happiness, but it can make others feel more at ease I admit.

I often hear stay positive and smile, and everything will work out.  I wish the world work like that, the reality is, yes things will work out, but they don't always work out into a happy ending.  Yes, God provides and blesses us, and He is a merciful God.  However, God is very open in His word that He will test us as well.  There will be times we pass, and times we fail, because quite simply none of us our perfect, and God knows this.

I am thankful for everything in my life I am blessed with good or bad, but it is not a sin to strive for more and love for something we know we need.  You can be thankful, and still have an empty feeling.  Reality is we all have that empty feeling for someone or something, its human nature.  Its bigger to some than others.  Me, my hole is love, everything else in my life is just fine for me.  I got the money I need, I got a place to live, a job, a family, and friends, but someone to love and share my life with is my hole.

And I'm very selective who I love, but when  love them, they are my everything.  I love God, but I can't marry God, I can't have kids with God, I can do these things through God, but not with God, and thats the difference.  Right now, my heart is with one person I just can't seem to let go, they just don't know how deeply I felt for them, and what all I was ready to give them, and I don't know when or if I'll ever move on.  The thing is I know I'm a catch, but I don't want to just give myself to anyone, I want to gibe myself to the one I love, and the one that in my eyes, is just as much of a catch to me.

I'm weird like that, I could care less what anyone else thinks of my love or the one I love, what matters to me is I love them and they love me.  I'll handle the rest of the world as long as we're together.  I have more power then many think, and I actually have a lot of plans going right now that are moving along nicely, many things are coming together, and what few realize is I'm slowly in a position to make dreams a reality, big things are happening right beneath everyone's noses with me.  Patience is a wondrous thing.

And if I must do things alone, so be it.  But I truly would love to have those I love with me.  Because to me, a dream or happiness is worthless without being able to share it with the one's you love.  Thats all I've ever asked, love me as I love you, when it comes to friends or family or anything, thats all I've ever asked.  If you miss me, come get me, because if I miss you, I will try and come get you.  Sometimes I walk away, just to see if you miss me and love me, and few people realize there actions tell all the stories I need to know.

I'm still here, I'm still alive, and I still love you, and I'm always the real deal.  I may not always make choices that make you happy, but I promise I will always try to make the right choices for the moments I'm placed in.

I always look forward, and I always try to think of what others might feel.  Don't ask my opinion unless you want the truth, I just believe its best that way.  What few people realize, is I'm harder on myself, than I am on anyone else, and I tend to be harder on those I love simply because they matter to me, and I want them to be the very best at everything they do.  When I don't push you to be better, thats when you know I no longer care.  I might be hard to figure out, but once you do and realize how true my intentions are, you'll realize I truly am an amazing individual who strives to make this world and everyone around me a better place, even if I have give up a little bit of myself to do so.

I Am Valuable

Do I miss people, yes.  Do I hurt inside, yes.  Do I love someone with every fiber of me, yes.  However, I also know I am valuable and irreplaceable. Look I'm a very humble and modest man, anyone who knows me knows that.  But I know my worth, and I know just how rare of a find I am. 

I'm dependable, I'm loyal, I'm patient, I'm God fearing, I'm God loving, I'm realistic, I'm successful, I'm fair, I'm honest, I'm self aware, I'm observant, I'm smart, I'm dedicated, I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm flexible, I'm hard working, I'm good with money, I'm forgiving, and I believe in people for who they are on the inside and I'm many more things, and in the end I'm a catch.  I will put up with a lot when I love someone, and its not that I don't know I'm being hurt, its I patient enough to understand nobody is perfect, and that very imperfection is what makes us all beautiful.

I myself am not perfect, in fact I'm my biggest critic, believe me.  I'm fully aware of my flaws, and I bash myself more than anyone, but thats ok.  Many people think when I point out flaws in others that I'm bashing them, truth is, my reasoning is the complete opposite.  I believe in speaking up in an effort to improve ourselves.  I'm not bashing, I'm simply bringing it out in the open in an effort to make things better for us all.  I try to remain constructive ad positive, I'm not always successful because reality is you can't predict how someone will respond to what you say.

I don't give my heart to just anyone, I have to truly love you and completely believe in you and be completely committed to you.  So if I love you, then that means I'm yours to have, and for me I'm ok with that.  I've been a person who can lead, but chooses to be support to those I love, I won't serve just anyone though, I'll only serve to those I love, and only I choose who I love.  I'm more cunning than people know, you see true cunning is being cunning without people noticing, and thats me.  Everything I do is calculated an well thought about.


I sometimes think people think being modest, giving and humble are weaknesses nowadays, they think people like us are weak or don't love themselves, but the truth is I love myself so much and know how great I am, that I'm willing to give myself as a gift to those I love, because I know what i can give is priceless.  Yes, when I walk away from someone I hold dear and love, I know I'm losing a great friend, person and love, but believe me, they're losing a one of a kind person in me, they're losing a great friend and true love, they're losing someone who is the real deal and knows it.  Do I get hurt and upset when those who love me leave, yes, but its because my feelings are that true and I'm passionate, I also believe you should fight to keep what and who you love in your life.  But there comes a time you have to test those you love to see if they truly love you back.

And if I feel I'm not loved or I'm taken for granted I will respect myself enough to step back and walk away, but if I love you I will still be there for you, and if I love you I want to see if you love me too by pursuing me to come back to you.  Truth is, if you pursue me and I love you, I'll not only come back, but I'll never leave you again because I see I matter to you.

Yes I'll throw myself at the person I love's feet, but I was taught to not hold back your love when you love someone because our time on earth is short.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  So I don't hide my love, and I live each moment with those i love as if it was my last.  I'm not trying to smother someone, I simply value the small time we have alive.  God gave us life as a gift, we should live it to the fullest, pursue what and who we love.  So if I love you, I'll never give up, and just because I walk away doesn't mean I gave up on you, it means I need you to miss me too so you can see how rare I truly am.  So fight for me, pursue me, love me as I love you, thats all I've ever wanted, and in exchange I will give you everything and anything, seriously no limitation.  The world will be your oyster, I'll make sure of it, never underestimate my will and love, I'm stronger than you know, I just choose my moments wisely to show it.  God had always blessed me, and for that I'm eternally grateful.  So if you lose me or push me away, believe me its a great loss for you, greater than you realize now, but I promise one day you'll finally realize how amazing I was.

What They Don't See, What They Don't Know

Nobody will most likely read this, and what few people often realize is I don't share my deepest fears or problems or concerns with anyone.  The ones I do share, are the ones that don't worry me as much.  I'm very deep individual, who often understands things and see things a bit more clearly than others, and many times that can be more of a curse than a blessing.  This is why I get involved with some things when I do, or why I remove myself from things when I do, I see what is coming and I know what I have to do, whether I like it or not.

I recently stepped away from people I seriously thought of as family, I would of, and might still now, laid my life down to hold them up.  In my world, they were the most important aspect in it.  I had to remove myself, because I didn't want to hurt those I love, and I felt myself slipping away.  You see, I fell deeply in love with one, and its been no secret, and right they are with someone else.  I don't think she truly grasp how much I love her, and how much I was willing to go for her.  And while her mother is my best friend, and I love her family more than anything, when I see the one I love with someone else it devastates me, because my heart wants nothing but her love in return.

Sad thing is, whenever I see any of the family, the first place my mind and heart go is to the one I love and miss.  And I used to be able to turn to my best friend to keep me level, to keep me for losing myself, and losing my battle to keep life going.  I felt myself slipping to that dark place where nobody returns every moment I missed her.  After a while I couldn't go to my best friends anymore, because to her it wasn't important, it was just drama in her eyes, but what she failed to realize it was everything to me, and is literally killing me.  You see, no matter what they're problem was, no matter if it affected me or not, or if I cared or not, I was willing to listen and help, because to me thats what friends do, no problem is too small or too big for me to be there.  And I just felt my friends were no longer being there for me, if it was something they didn't care about.

I pray all the time, and I love her.  I see where things are going, but I have to trust God to play things out.  When I stepped away, I crushed myself more than they ever realize, I walked away from everything I loved.  But I truly felt it was the right thing to do, even if I didn't want to.  There are times, I wonder if I'd be better off not waking up, but I know that isn't true.  So I fight, I've always been there for there, I checked on them everyday, I offered to come by to help everyday, I gave them my time and all of me each and every time they asked, my love truly is neverending and unconditional.

I love her until my last breath, even after the pain I've endured.  You see, she is worth it, nothing truly valuable in life comes without pain, and the greater the sacrifice the greater the blessing.  What I can give her, what I'm willing to give her, is more than anyone else ever can, because in the end there is nothing I would ever hold from her, and there is nobody I would be afraid to stand against for her.  And seeing her happy, making her happy, truly is what makes me happy, and that is love.  Every moment I know she pushes me away is crushing me, but the moments I get to spend with her truly are the greatest moments of my life.  And I'm not above admitting that, I don't have to act tough or like I don't care, because I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit I love her more than anyone or anything else to ever exist.  And I love her family more than the world.  Sometimes, God places people in our lives and we don't realize how great they are until we push them away, and believe me, I'm a great individual who truly loves her and wants nothing but the best for her.  In time, God will reveal all, in time God's plan always happens, I'm ready, because I know my heart and I know my love is pure and true.