I am a firm believer in God, and everything happens for a reason. And I confess I don't always enjoy His tests, trials and tribulations, I do understand why they are needed. I have loved and been a friend sincerely and for all the right reasons, I have strived with all I have to do things the right way, and still God has allowed false rumors beyond my control to spread doubt on everything. While I am angered and hurt and offended, I see know why God allowed this to happen. You see this isn't just a test for me, it is also a test for those I love. While I know the rumors are false, and have fought vehemently to prove this, it is times like this I will found out how much those who I love and claim to love me truly do, how do they truly trust me or know me, how much do I truly mean to them.
Will they believe the lies and cats me aside like nothing, or will they see the truth and believe in me as I would them and prove their love without doubt. Maybe this is why God allowed this to happen? Maybe He needed me to see the truth no matter what it turns out to be. I have always been there for them without question, I have always made them my top priority, they have always mattered the most in my life, I have always loved them and trusted in them, but will they do the same, or have they been trying to push me out their lives for some time now.
The truth is I don't really know, and part of me is afraid to know because I know I might not like the answer, but then part wants to know because I might love the answer. The woman I love, I love with all I got, and then friend I care for I've always considered my closest friend. So yeah, when I feel pushed away or forgotten, it really hurts more than anything else. At times I wonder if my time or happiness really matters to them, or does it only matter when it benefits them as well. It does bother me as well, when they constantly make time for the same others week after week, while always not having time for us week after week, even if we plans they cancel yet magically find plans with others, it's not a good feeling at all. If they wonder why I've been slowly pulling away, this is why, they have given me the impression they want me gone even if I don't want to go. I've said it before, and I'll say again, they are like family to me. The woman I love and her daughter, and my best friend as well in her mother. I never once lied about my actions or feelings, I've stayed strong in who I am even through the pain and obstacles. I've watched others give into the world and change who they are, while I have stayed who I am through my love and belief in God. I am no puppet, my beliefs were given to me for a purpose, and that purpose is not to change by the world, God made us all who we for a reason, so don't waste that reason God gave to you to accommodate anyone.
Will they believe the lies and cats me aside like nothing, or will they see the truth and believe in me as I would them and prove their love without doubt. Maybe this is why God allowed this to happen? Maybe He needed me to see the truth no matter what it turns out to be. I have always been there for them without question, I have always made them my top priority, they have always mattered the most in my life, I have always loved them and trusted in them, but will they do the same, or have they been trying to push me out their lives for some time now.
The truth is I don't really know, and part of me is afraid to know because I know I might not like the answer, but then part wants to know because I might love the answer. The woman I love, I love with all I got, and then friend I care for I've always considered my closest friend. So yeah, when I feel pushed away or forgotten, it really hurts more than anything else. At times I wonder if my time or happiness really matters to them, or does it only matter when it benefits them as well. It does bother me as well, when they constantly make time for the same others week after week, while always not having time for us week after week, even if we plans they cancel yet magically find plans with others, it's not a good feeling at all. If they wonder why I've been slowly pulling away, this is why, they have given me the impression they want me gone even if I don't want to go. I've said it before, and I'll say again, they are like family to me. The woman I love and her daughter, and my best friend as well in her mother. I never once lied about my actions or feelings, I've stayed strong in who I am even through the pain and obstacles. I've watched others give into the world and change who they are, while I have stayed who I am through my love and belief in God. I am no puppet, my beliefs were given to me for a purpose, and that purpose is not to change by the world, God made us all who we for a reason, so don't waste that reason God gave to you to accommodate anyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment