This Is What Real Is

I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.  My actions will always match my words, in many ways my actions will go beyond my words.  I will never stop loving you no matter how you try to make me stop, I refuse to give up on you simply because I see who you are and I see the greatness in you and I believe in you.  Call me a gentlemen if you must, call me nice if you like, but no I believe helping those I love smile and be successful, I believing in building them up and not tearing them down.  I believe in freedom and not control.  I will always buck the trend, and I will always treat the woman I love right, and like the queen she is.  Everyone wants me to find good woman because I am so loving and will treat her right, I hear that all the time, I just want the woman I love to step up and be that good woman I already know she is.

All I Ask

It really isn't that hard to understand me when it comes to love, and really if you just pay attention you would know what I want and need out of love and the one I love.  I'm a giver, I'm a builder, I am a person who isn't afraid to sacrifice, I am a provider and I am a protector.  All I ask from the one I love is to let me be these things for them.  I am not selfish at all, I want to give all I have and more to the one I love, because to me there is no greater cause in life.

Seeing what I give make the one I love happy is the greatest gift you can give me.   Knowing what I sacrifice becomes a great gain for the one I love brings me happiness and no regret.  I build to last a life time, I plan far ahead, and I cover all our bases for us both.  Let me be your shield, let me be your rock, consume me if you must to succeed, I give myself willingly.  Don't get me wrong, I only do this for the one I love and nobody else.  I don't ask for the one I love to keep up with me or do what I do, truth be told I don't react well when roles are reversed.  I love surprises and I am always grateful for kind gifts, but my true happiness lies in giving of myself and knowing I'm needed and wanted.

I know there aren't many like me, but that doesn't bother me at all.  I have no desire to control anyone, I simply ask for trust and freedom to give myself and help them in love at all times.  Don't question why I give, just know it's out of love, it's how I love.  So many people want to analyze why i do what I do, they think I'm playing mind games or I'm seeking something, but really its simply because I love you and I want to give to you, help you, protect you and so much more.  Let me be me.  I never hide who I am.

Still Time

If you want to know something than ask me.  Don't assume anything really.  Yes there are things in motion in my life, yes everything choice I make is in reaction to inactions or actions by you, but I do still love her.  It's not to late, but even they I want you more than anything and want to for you, reality is what it is.  If you are ready to try and take that risk then come get me, stop waiting, stop stalling, stop worrying, and just come make it happen.  You never know, maybe I'm waiting for that from you.  You already know how I feel about you, maybe I'm waiting for you to show me too.  But know that when I'm gone with someone else because you waited too long, that gave you every chance in the world, but I am loyal in love, and my loyalty is complete to whoever I am with in love.  The window is still ever so slightly open for us, can you seize it.

Forevermore

Yes, I am that guy who will tell you every day how amazing you are, I am that guy who will tell you good morning every day, I am that guy that will pray for you and wish you happiness every day, I am that guy who remind you that you are loved every day.  And look, I get it, when it happens every day it is easy to take it for granted, but there is a very strong reason I do it.  One thing I've learned in life is we are only guaranteed the moment we currently live in, because we could gone the very next moment with no warning.  Life is unpredictable in reality, and some times we don't get a second chance to tell someone we love them.

So I do this to her know I never change how I feel about her, I tell her all of this no matter if she is sad, mad or happy, no matter if she is on top of the mountain or bottom of the valley, no matter the situation I make time to tell her she is amazing, good morning and she matters always.  Sometimes I don't much, but I always make sure to say enough.  I could hold back, wait for a certain moment for a bigger bang, but what if that moment doesn't come, than I never get that chance.

I try to make her smile every chance I get, and I take pride in that.  She knows I am the guy who has had her back since day one, I loved her when she failed, I loved her when she succeeds, I love her when she is happy, I love her when she sad, I love her when she is silly, crazy, depressed, angry, determined, afraid and all other feelings.  Bottom line I have proven I love her unconditionally.  I don't just talk the talk, I always walk the walk with her and she knows this.  No matter how it affects me in life, I'm always right there for her.

This is love, this is how a real man loves, there is no power struggle, no controlling, no trying to change her, no there is only real true unconditional love.  And deep down she knows the truth.  And I close by saying to her, you are amazing, you are great, God made you a warrior and leader in so many ways, you will succeed I know, I love you, and you always matter to me.

Realness

With me, you really have to read in between the lines truthfully.  Trust is really big to me, to love you I must trust you, once I lose trust in you I lose that love as well.  Trust is also big to me in those I love in that they trust me to, if I feel you don't trust me then I start doubting you as well.  I work hard to prove I am trustworthy, and I work hard in trusting those I love, it goes both ways and in some ways for better or worse it must be blind until  a valid reason states otherwise.  To love someone is to risk them hurting you, is to put your heart in their hands in trust that they won't hurt you, it's making yourself vulnerable to someone else in trust.  It sounds crazy I know, but real love is just this, real love is in many ways truth faith, faith is believing without seeing.  Anyone can and will believe once they see it, but the truly faithful believe it before they see it.

Many people think silence and being ignored is what drive me crazy, but that isn't true.  I can handle silence, especially when I know someone well enough, and when I know I have done no wrong.  I believe in God, and I trust Him to let me know when something is wrong, when silence is more than silence.  I am not naive, I am very much so cunning, I will play dumb until I have to reveal what I know.  Timing is truly everything.  When I reach out to the woman I love, and she doesn't respond, I'm ok, because I love and trust her, I know in my heart who she is and how she feels and what she is striving for.  I'm on her side, I'm on our side, and honestly I reach out to her not for my gain, but really to inspire her and remind her she is loved always and never has to face life alone unless she chooses to.

The devil has played games with us often, he has allowed rumors to test us, and we have fought many times, but we never allow the devil win, and the reason is we love each other and deep down we understand and trust each like no one else does.  We always find our way back to each other no matter what we go through in life.  There is something very strong between us, I know this, and she is starting to see this too.  Imagine what could happen if we embraced this, it could be life changing.  I have eternal patience for her, and everlasting understanding, I love her.

Tribulations

I am a firm believer in God, and everything happens for a reason.  And I confess I don't always enjoy His tests, trials and tribulations, I do understand why they are needed.  I have loved and been a friend sincerely and for all the right reasons, I have strived with all I have to do things the right way, and still God has allowed false rumors beyond my control to spread doubt on everything.  While I am angered and hurt and offended, I see know why God allowed this to happen.  You see this isn't just a test for me, it is also a test for those I love.  While I know the rumors are false, and have fought vehemently to prove this, it is times like this I will found out how much those who I love and claim to love me truly do, how do they truly trust me or know me, how much do I truly mean to them.

Will they believe the lies and cats me aside like nothing, or will they see the truth and believe in me as I would them and prove their love without doubt.  Maybe this is why God allowed this to happen?  Maybe He needed me to see the truth no matter what it turns out to be.  I have always been there for them without question, I have always made them my top priority, they have always mattered the most in my life, I have always loved them and trusted in them, but will they do the same, or have they been trying to push me out their lives for some time now.

The truth is I don't really know, and part of me is afraid to know because I know I might not like the answer, but then part wants to know because I might love the answer.  The woman I love, I love with all I got, and then friend I care for I've always considered my closest friend.  So yeah, when I feel pushed away or forgotten, it really hurts more than anything else.  At times I wonder if my time or happiness really matters to them, or does it only matter when it benefits them as well.  It does bother me as well, when they constantly make time for the same others week after week, while always not having time for us week after week, even if we plans they cancel yet magically find plans with others, it's not a good feeling at all.  If they wonder why I've been slowly pulling away, this is why, they have given me the impression they want me gone even if I don't want to go.  I've said it before, and I'll say again, they are like family to me.  The woman I love and her daughter, and my best friend as well in her mother.  I never once lied about my actions or feelings, I've stayed strong in who I am even through the pain and obstacles.  I've watched others give into the world and change who they are, while I have stayed who I am through my love and belief in God.  I am no puppet, my beliefs were given to me for a purpose, and that purpose is not to change by the world, God made us all who we for a reason, so don't waste that reason God gave to you to accommodate anyone.

Some Things

I'm a very rare breed in that I almost never get offended, I have rather thick skin and learned long ago in life that the only opinions that truly matter in my life are the one's that are mine or from those I care and love.  However I am not immune to this I confess.  There are certain lines that should never be crossed, and one of those lines was crossed recently.  And although I understand the reasoning and thought process behind it, I don't approve of it at all.

There are a few things you don't question about me or accuse me of ever.  Do not question my belief in God, I have complete faith in Him and only Him period.  Do not question my loyalty and love for certain people, I would never do anything or say anything to bring them any harm or pain whatsoever.  I have nothing to hide, and have no problem allowing anyone to come see if they need proof.  There are other things but right now these are the two to hit home.  Now while these rumors and accusations are completely false, and really downright absurd, it does bother me greatly that those I love would even think they could be true, no matter where the rumor started.  Bottom line is you know me way to well to ever think this could even be close to true, seriously way too well. Also, if they told anyone else I don't know, plus now every time I'm around them and their friends I'll have to wonder do they know the rumor, and do they think it could be true, it puts me in an awkward spot even if it isn't true.

I've put some pieces together, and I know why they questioned it, and I've figured some other parts of it out I admit.  But listen to me, the person this rumor affected I love very much, in fact I love this person more than any other person I've ever known, this is why I'm so angry, this is why I can't let this type of rumor go, it affects a part of me that is very vital to me, it affects someone that I value more than life itself.  This person I love, I make exceptions for daily, I allow myself to hurt at times in holding back my love so that they might be happy, I wait on them because I love them, I'm ok with putting parts of my life on hold for them because they matter that much to me.  The depth of my love is amazing, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.

When you love someone as I love her, you let certain things slide, you sometimes set your ego aside for the betterment of the both of you.  You realize you are in it together in everything.  You aren't afraid to let them have control in parts of your life.  Love is shared experience, it isn't wrong to love someone else completely.  Loving yourself is a phrase that was invented for selfish people as an excuse.  True love is sacrifice, for true love to work you have to realize it's about more than yourself, it's about the two of you.  When you love someone as I love her, and then commit yourself to them in love, you have to let that selfishness go.  We are suppose to follow Jesus' example are we not, and loved everyone else before Himself, that doesn't mean He didn't love Himself, it just meant He understood what order His love should go.  God first, others second, yourself last, in the end you can still love yourself and be blessed by God.  Faith in God, faith in love, I have both and I love her, I hope she knows she deserves to be loved unconditionally and equally.  To be loved by someone who isn't trying to change her, but rather is willing to embrace her.  And she knows she should be willing to do the same.